Words from a loving mom to her son.

It has been a week of letting go for me. My son left for Air Force Boot Camp last week and it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do besides give birth to him. Long talks, texting, phone calls, shopping for this, mail order that, pay for this, charge for that and leaving messages will all but come to a silent stop. Waiting with him in the boarding area before his flight left, I watched him and his movements. He listened to his Ipod that he bought the night before with his first ever credit card. My thoughts drifted back to when he was three, then seven, I remembered him looking up at me while playing with his firetruck that his grandfather bought him for Christmas and saying to him, "I'm going to miss you when you grow up". Puzzled, his attention turned back towards the firetruck. In recent years, I have whispered that verse over and over to him and now, it is the day and the time has come. At least for the next 8 weeks while he is away. His low manly voice breaks my train of thought, "Mom" he says, "when I call you don't say anything because my CO (Commanding Officer) will be on the other side listening to what I say to you, I only have 15 minutes to talk to you"! His speech will all be written in advance and if he deviate's from that, his CO will be ready to yell at him on the other end of the line. I'm thinking, "WTH", what Commander A** is listening into our conversation while I'm talking to my son??! That's a fricken invasion of our privacy! BUT, this is the Military and it's who my son now belongs to, lock, stock and barrel for the next 6 years. Not mama's son anymore but property of the Good 'ol USA. My son, Manny has been training since October 2012 for this. He has been preparing his young 19 year old body for the rigors of Military life and all that it encompasses. The discipline, preparation, drills, development, cultivation, motivation, sense of self worth and pride that he will soon come to know. I expect the Military to nourish him when he needs support, nurture him in grace, educate him when he does not know, foster his spirit when others won't, instruct his mind to further himself, train him in the manners unknown to him, polish the diamond within him, foster his character with strength and vitality, feed his soul with the word of Heavenly Father. With that you will receive: his loyalty that will command your honesty, his contract is your responsibility, his pledge is your obligation, his burden is your protection, his trust is your liability, his mission is your profession, his life is your accountability. Please, take care of him and his squadron while they help to protect our freedom and the privileges that come at such a high price. I love you always, son and am very proud of you! Thank you for being who you are. Mom

Happy Valentine's Day

to each and everyone in and around my life. Even if I don't know you, such as the case yesterday. While boarding a flight, a male passenger felt so compelled to give me a hug with arms wide open, I stopped my boarding and gave him a hug. I hope it made his day as it made mine. We affect one another is so many different ways and I totally understand comfort zones that each and everyone of us have. At that moment, he needed a hug and the spirit moved me to have the same. My life has been so busy once I got back to work. Physical Therapy have come to a halt and I am almost done with my insurance claim. My new Chiropractor, Doctor Tintor is a blessing and his receptionist is an angel. No, they haven't caught the youth who hit me from the car accident in December 2012 and yes, I lost alot of work and used alot of my personal sick time to help pay my rent and bills. I am very thankful for good medical insurance but even that needs to get paid! My daughter, Christiana is out of the hospital and into a group home for mentally challenged adults in Redwood City. Her calls have lessened and I hope she is getting the help she needs and has the wisdom to take care of herself. My son, Manny, has been busy with his own life and preparing for his leave to Air Force Boot Camp next week. All of his monthly jaunts to Travis Air Force Base for "drills" have helped him prepare for his next 6 weeks in San Antonio at Lackland Air Force Base. I am hoping that his dedication to running and exercise will get him halfway there and the rest of it will be Psychological. I wish nothing but the best for him as he continues on his journey.

The Power of Massage

Last Friday, I was gifted a surprise massage by my wife. No, we did not have a couples massage even tho I asked. This was a gift for me. I've never been to a professional massage in all my 50 years and now was a better time than ever. The establishment is called Massage Envy located in Redwood City. As I walked in, the surroundings reminded me of another beautiful and serene facility called Watercourse Way in Palo Alto. Both, very much zen like and peaceful. It's all about relaxation and I am all for that type of healing. My massage therapist was Cody Lam who has a very gentle way and peacefulness about her. I read her bio located on the table in the waiting room which after talking with her, she stated that the book is at least four years old! Definitely needs to be updated as she is no longer in Massage school. Upon entering my room which was low lit and the tranquil sound of Asian inspired music in the background, I was ready for more peacefulness. I undressed down to my undergarment and slipped under the light sheet and blanket and felt the warm massage table which you can choose to have added before your massage. A few minutes later, Cody entered the room and spoke quietly on what I would like to have done today. I asked that my upper back, shoulders, arms, hands, upper neck areas to be targeted. I would have liked the whole body massage but I really wanted to have specific areas to be her focus. My whole being in those areas ached tremendously and to have her work her magic hands on me was delightful and healing. The firmness of her hand strokes were soothing yet powerful. Each stroke rhythmic and balanced like a painter to her blank canvass. My deep breaths seduced by her movements, the distress in my aching muscles commanded her attention and the feeling of contentment eased my discomfort. My grand wish list would have this delicious elixir of movement every week for the rest of my life. Maybe even twice a week! This antidote would cure most ills of the world, one can only hope.

Signed, Sealed and Delivered!

Finally found a car, not a truck, but a nice little car to call my own since my auto accident Dec. 14, 2012. My insurance paid me out for my 1995 Chevy truck, just a little over $3700. My wife's friend, Judy, wanted to sell her Suburu Outback. After she and I looked up information about the car make and model and researched reviews, we made a decision to look it over last weekend. Driving to Pacifica was beautiful, cool, brisk and a rare sunny day. It was Maverick's weekend where world class surfers from all over the world gather to surf for big waves and big money. Along with that is the hundreds of people that converge on this tiny town for this once a year event. Crespi Beach and Rockaway Beach parking lots were exceeding full capacity and wanting to see the picturesque view and catch sight of the huge waves predicted. It's a beach town and I do miss it sometimes but when the fog rolls in, I am very glad to be living in Redwood City and a much warmer climate. Judy and Michael have a beautiful home with two big loving dogs. They are long time residents of Linda Mar and know all about Montara mountain. Hiking, biking and walking is a good place for that. After test driving the Suburu and getting to know it's idiosyncrasies, drive style, smoothness, cooling and heating elements and of course looking under the hood, our verdict was made. After some friendship banter and parlay, monies paid and bill of sale signed, WE HAVE A NEW CAR!! I am very happy to have it. I do have to thank Enterprise Rental and my insurance, USAA for taking care of me while my truck was at the adjusters, Cooks Collision. I also thank my friend Greg K. for loaning me his car which was a sprightly little 5-speed Blue Toyota Matrix. It's been a busy week of car searching, physical therapists, doctor visits, mounds of paperwork and going back to work. Exhilarating, excited and exhausted all summed it up for me this week. Life is crazy and I'm loving it. I thank the Good Lord for watching over me everyday. Amen

"I Have a Dream"

"He was against all policies based on race. The basis of his attack on segregation was to judge us by the content of our character, not by the color of our skin". Peter Schramm, a conservative historian and former Reagan Administration official This video was taken in 2009 on the "Martin Luther King Freedom Train". Mama Diane Evans and I traveled this historic ride with hundreds of other passengers aboard the Cal-Train into the City of San Francisco to attend peaceful demonstrations and a video account of who Martin Luther King was and what he had accomplished in his very short life. Mama Diane Evans is the colorful turban wrapped woman singing in this video. She is the mother of my co-worker and good friend, Carmen. I dearly love this lady and the whole of her body exudes warmth and spirit akin to mine. Her stories of struggles, life and love keep me entranced and am glad to know that she is in my life.

"Mental Ward"

     That statement resonates in the back of my mind and brings me back to when I was a young girl of 10 years old.  My family was vacationing in Oahu, Hawaii visiting with my mother and fathers huge extended family.  My mother has 5 brothers, all but one brother,  is deceased.  My father has 19 brothers and sisters,  all but two remain living.  One beautiful bright warm Saturday morning in Laie,  we were going to visit with Aunty Pua at the Hospital.  I remembered hearing in hushed whispers, "Mento Ward" in Hawaiian pidgen language amongst my aunts and uncles.  "You going Mento Wahd go see Aunty?" They knew who she was without saying her name outright.
     The drive was not long,  sitting in the back seat with my brother Doug, sister Laurie and a few cousins along with my mom and dad in the front seat.  I can still relive that day as if it were yesterday.  We were so glad to finally be out of the car as we ran around the parking lot of the Hospital.  Our sound of laughter broke the silence of the trade-winds as the sun beat down on us.  Mom and dad "shushed" us as we walked towards what looked like a Grand Mansion with beautiful white columns and the ocean blue as it's background.  How can this be a Hospital?  I thought it to be of someones home, it was my Aunty Pua's home.  After weaving our way through a myriad of doors,  I remembered coming out of a door onto an open Lanai (patio) looking out towards the ocean and great massive trees spreading branch to branch as if shaking hands and breathing the warm scent of gardenia and plumerias into my body.  That moment of serenity was broken with shrieking and screaming and then laughter but not of children,  they were people like my mom and dad's age.  I turned to see old people, young people,  people rocking back and forth facing a wall or a window,  people chattering on and laughing at the toy rocking horse.  Nurses in white uniforms, cleaning and speaking with their energetic charges.  Frightened,  I quickly searched for my mom and dad who were not too far and was sitting and talking with an elderly woman.  I remembered her face and eyes hanging so low and sad but she was happy to see my parents and us children.  I saw my dad petting her hand and she had her head on my dads shoulder.  This was the Aunty Pua we came to visit.  Fearful,  I stayed close to mom and dad.  I could hear my mom speaking with Aunty Pua in Hawaiian, crying and heartbroken.
     Today these "Mental Wards" have politically correct names now.  Psychiatric is the word most commonly used.  Hospital and facilities to also mark the place or residence of a "Patient" and not Koo-Koo, idiot or Crazy man/woman.  My daughter Pua, has been a resident on the 3rd floor of the Psychiatric Unit at the San Mateo General Hospital for several weeks now.  Her pregnancy was terminated on Thursday Jan 17th in the afternoon.  When I received her conservatorship paperwork from the County of San Mateo to let me know of their procedure known as "Therapeutic Abortion",  my memories overwhelmed me with thoughts on how we used to view the mentally ill and how we used to shut them away, "out of sight, out of mind".  I'm very glad for our progress and cures and how far we have become as an American Nation.  We have moved forward from this stigma that many countries still discriminate against it, ridicule,  lock people away and even put to death.  God Bless America! 

"Terminate"

my pregnancy" states my daughter, Pua, as those words ring over and over in my mind. I am restless at this hour when I should be fast asleep in REM stage dreaming about images that I never remember.  After this weekend of listening and singing about the River Jordan in church and wondering why parishioners construct  a light kneel as they pass in front of Jesus who hangs up high in the church on a cross.  Gazing upon this figure that is repeated millions of times in countless Churches of all religions,  I can feel the comfort of his spirit letting me know that all will be well.   I've come to believe in miracles no matter how small they are.  I've come to believe that Heavenly Father hears us all and that our prayers do count.  I believe that talking with my soon to be 28 year old mentally ill daughter has some effect on her to the point of thinking about the harsh reality of continuing with her pregnancy and carrying a baby to term in the hopes of caring and loving a child with the fierceness of a lioness as she cares for her cub.  Something so powerful that only a female can only know.  Or to painfully make the decision to abort her child while in her first trimester because she realizes that her body is demanding the potent medication needed to keep her depression, schizophrenia, paranoia and the once subdued voices who are all rallying around her as if reuniting with an old friend to entertain, at bay.  She phoned me to tell me of her agonizing decision to terminate her pregnancy because of our talks of her possibly going on welfare, section 8 and relying on the Federal social system for help and no help from the father.  She tells me that she is young and she can have children anytime as I verbally agree with her.  I know in my heart that this can never be and am deeply saddened by how she feels as a young woman.   Her birthday is Jan 16th and it is time for a visit.  To comfort her, to hold her and to tell her that I love her very much.  I am very proud of her strength and the woman who she is today.

Susceptible

sus·cep·ti·ble

[suh-sep-tuh-buh l] 

accessible or especially liable or subject to some influence, mood, agency, etc.: susceptible to colds; susceptible to flattery.

    A visit to my Primary Doctors this week proved uneventful.  It was mainly to see how I was coming along on my Physical Therapy treatments on my soft tissue injuries due to my car accident.  Doc Yan stated that since I have Rheumatoid Arthritis,  I am susceptible to any injuries lasting normal than what a healthy body would be.  Meaning that my healing time would take much longer,  well, DUH!  These doctor and Physical Therapy visits including only being able to work 1 day since the accident, compiled on top of my dealing with  insurance company has been leaving me in a depressed mood all week.  Stress, anxiety and low energy has been giving me low grade headaches that I normally don't get.  I'm off for one more week until Jan. 21st. 

     My daughter Christiana is at San Mateo General Hospital and has been there for a few weeks to help get her own medication for her mental illness up to speed which she has forgone because of her pregnancy.   She has been calling me almost everyday to come and see her or bring her something.  I thought to just take a time-out from her life and get mine in order.  Seems that I never get a chance to deal with my life but I deal with everyone's  first.  Since all of my children have moved out of my home,  I would think that would be the ideal time for myself, WRONG!  No matter what age my children/young adults,  they will always need something,  guidance, wisdom, small talk, money, material things and most of all, love and support.  I helped her social worker, Kelsey move all her belongings from the Sequoia Hotel in Redwood City to my home and house her items until she is well enough on her own.  In the meantime,  her boyfriend, who is the "baby daddy" is in his own world and one of whom I don't want to associate with because of his own addiction to Crystal Meth and a bad host of crap that I don't want to be a part of.         

Total Loss

is what USAA insurance told me yesterday.  I can't get anything more for my truck than what my insurance offered me, $3744 and some change.  $1000.00 of it they will withhold until I mail the salvage company my title which I keep in a folder full of receipts I used  for it's upkeep.  I was expecting the worse and I almost had a tiny little bit of hope that Cooks Collision would repair my truck.
      I stopped by to pick up the rest of my belongings in my 1995 Chevy Pickup and saw the extent of the damage for the last time from my hit and run auto accident that happened almost one month ago.  My poor old truck was littered with numbers and "cant open hood" written on it and other foreign objects thrown in the truck bed.  I saw the front end extent of the damage in better lighting today than I did on that cloudy day of the accident.  I felt sad.  Upon opening my driver door and looking inside,  there was definite evidence of someone hastily looking through what ever was left in the truck and not finding anything of value to take.  Luckily I tried to pack up everything I valued at the time of the accident.   I felt violated on my trucks behalf and said my last goodbye's as if saying goodbye to an old friend which this truck has been to me.  I've been through approximately 4 moves and a host of other moves helping friends and family in need of a truck, long trips up the California coast for camp-outs and everyday commutes to work.  I depended on "Betty".    I originally bought my truck off of Craigslist for $5000.00  from a man who needed a bigger vehicle for his growing family.  The truck gave me very few problems compared to my other cars.  So to say goodbye to an object such as this truck is significant to me.  Now,  the process begins for me to look for a new "used" vehicle.  Wish me luck!

Happy New Year

     Just a few more hours until I am fully on my way into the New Year, 2013.  I am still off from work due to my pinched nerve in my left shoulder preventing me from lifting heavy bags.  There are a few jobs that  my company can put me in the "light duty" department aspect of what I do.  I see my primary doctor tomorrow and will follow up on the out come of when i go back to work with another physical therapy appointment on Thursday.
     My daughter Pua called and left a message on my phone from San Mateo General Hospital where she had to self-admit herself last week due to her not taking her medications for her Mental Illness causing her "voices" to come back with a vengeance.  Her reason for not taking her medication is that she is three months pregnant and did not want to harm the baby with these strong drugs.  Throw in her somewhat mentally ill boyfriend. Adolpho,  who takes her medication and Crystal meth and whatever else he needs to self-medicate himself with,  she is going to have a long, hard road ahead of her.  I've always suggested to her to write her own memoirs and thoughts into a blog,  she prefers journals.  Her young life has been disturbing and harrowing.  I,  and only I,  am the  reluctant involuntary passenger into her  wild ride of the fearful and dark unknown.  There is no happy ending,  only switchbacks to where we first started this perilous journey which repeats itself like a phonographs skipping needle on a warped record,  over and over and over and over again.

A Day with the Evans Family

    My son Manny,  who recently took his oath for the United States Air Force reserve,  and I spent the day hanging out together yesterday.  He has been living with his Dad for a few years since we moved from a very large duplex I shared with a co-worker in Millbrae.  In between spending a year and a half in Oahu,  Hawaii attending the Waimanalo Job Corps and receiving his GED and helping his Uncle Ben with his boat building business in Kapolei,  Manny has grown into a fine young man.
     Searching at the Sprint Store for smart phones is a daunting task let alone the prices on these pieces of electronics makes you want to walk back out.  My son's phone is in need of repair and we were advised to call the insurance people which we'll do at another time.  By this time,  hunger got the best of us and we drove through Inn-n-Out burger.  At this time,  I received a phone call from my good friend and co-worker   Carmen,  who had just landed at San Francisco International Airport with her young 14 year old son Maurice.  They're here to visit her mother,  Diane,  who I affectionately refer to her as " mama ".  We made arrangements to meet at Daly City Bart so that we could all visit with mama at her new Studio apartment in San Francisco.  Driving into "The City" is always adventurous and not for the faint of heart.  I love driving there and have been asked to do so numerous times to do so.

     Visiting Mama's apartment,  she lives in the heart of the Tenderloin District,  rich, vibrant, loud, colorful and all of which is characteristic of a lively neighborhood.  Mama loves it there and it shows,  she is flourishing!  Her Senior Studio apartment is very spacious, bright and in her words, "I can watch the parade from my window"!  Mama has all that she wants and needs within minutes from her doorstep,  corner grocery store, fruit stands,  numerous ethnic restaurants, BART, Muni, Taxi's and of course walking.  Manny and Maurice walk to Glide Memorial Church then onto Maurice's Uncle Kwame's Apartment a few blocks down. We all gather at Mama's apartment and walk to a local Middle Eastern Restaurant that they've frequented before and highly recommend.  Food was plentiful and spicy,  conversation was endless and the complimentary Chai Tea flowed freely to the point of us drinking it all.  Nightfall started to cloak the area and it was time to leave and goodbye's to Mama and Kwame and her new apartment.  Manny and I drove Carmen and Maurice to the San Francisco International Airport for Maurice's flight to San Diego to visit more family for the Holidays.  After some conversation of our own,  it was time for me to say good-night to my son.  On my drive home,  I realize how Adult our conversations have become and how I will miss the little boy that he once was and embrace the young man he has become.  

Balboa High School

Hit and Run?  Fleeing the scene?  Run and Hide?  This is what happened to me on Dec 14th while my son was getting his haircut a few blocks away in the city of San Francisco.  School had just let out for the afternoon and this young man was trying to get out of his parallel parking across the street.  I was sitting in my parked big green truck, unseat belted and I glanced up for a short time and saw him backing up.  Thinking nothing of it,  I looked back down as I was listening to the Sandy Hook Tragedy on my truck radio when out of the corner of my eye and hearing him Rev his engine,  I saw him drive at an angle into the front of my truck,  crashing into it and then he preceded to drive through a fence and into an apartment building as the car was now stuck and wedged tight between the fence and a block of wood.  He tried to reverse and back up but to no avail.  He was stuck.  By this time,  the High School kids were surrounding us and taking pictures of him,  the vehicles, me and the area.  I saw him climb out of the driver seat and through the drivers window and on top of the hood of the car.  My phone, which is usually somewhere within reach,  was at my side on the truck command center and I reached for it and prayed to the Good Lord to let me take a good picture of this guy.  As he jumped down from the roof,  I clicked my camera phone and got a shot of him.  His friends were chatty and playing with him like he had won a gold medal at the Olympics!  He seemed oblivious that I was even in the truck.  He grabbed his backpack and ran away. What the heck??  I was in shock and amazement that this was going on.  It was like a 3-D movie and I was in the front row of the movie theater!  I made sure my truck doors were still locked, my daddy's teachings and immediately called 911 for the police on my cell phone.  I did not dare to venture outside to access any type of damage because the mob of school kids that surrounded me.  They obviously knew the young man and I wasn't about to become a heroine/victim and take on these young adults who may have weapons on themselves as well.  The San Francisco Police, Ingleside,  arrived quickly and the Teens scattered.  An ambulance was there to see if I needed to be taken to the hospital as I complained of pain when the truck steering wheel hit me just below the collarbone.  I declined.  The owner of the apartment building also arrived to the scene to access the property damage.  My son arrived from his haircut to see what was going on and was worried to see his me surrounded by the police and ambulance.  Statements were made, a police report, tow truck and a rental car later as it started to rain,  my son and I continued on our way to Travis Air Force Base for his 1st weekend of drills.  Thank you for good car insurance.  Several lessons were learned that day by my son and I as we talked all the way to Fairfield,  driving in the rain,  in the traffic and priceless.

Remembering mom

Friday, December 28, 2007 This was written a few years ago and thought i'd share my memory of her: Remembering my mother as an awe-inspiring, beautiful and sometimes fearsome woman as I look back on my sweet memories of her spirit. She passed away on this day in the year 2003 on the island of Oahu with my son and daughter by her side, crying, stroking her hair and kissing her head wishing that she were still here with us and letting her know how well loved she was and will always be. I couldn't wait to whisk her away from the stark coldness of the hospital, invading steeliness of her unfamiliar platform on which she silently drifted off to infinite sleep and the inaudible, unfriendly environment of her confines. Waiting for her on the island of Molokai is the fresh fragrant scent of the lush verdant mountains, the trade winds tenderly anticipating her spirit and the warm gentle lull of the ocean waiting with open arms for my mother's arrival.Being the eldest, I was responsible to take care of her in a way that she has taken care of me all of my years. I had her cremated to be buried atop of her mother's grave on the island of Molokai. I was bringing her home. With my Uncle Ben carving an elaborate Urn made of the finest Hawaiian wood, she would be carried by the love of the families in this way to her birthplace. Friends and families gathered at the Mormon Church to wish her well and we drove the long red dusty road of Molokai to her final resting place. Gathering under the warmth of the hot sun and the tropical breeze bringing the scent of fresh Pikake and white Ginger flowers, scents that she loved, Bishop Keanini offered words of sympathy and strength to all in our own journey and to remember the life and times of my mother. With the braveness and soul of a ten year old, my son at that time asked me if he could lay his grandmother into the ground. I was speechless and offered an affirming nod of approval to him. With my daughter by my side holding me as if to keep me from falling, we watched as my son carefully picked his grandmother's urn up, walked steadily to her resting area and gently placed her into the belly of her mother. His small sullen face watching her as she was unhurriedly descending into her entombment and through his veins flowed her strength and life. She was proud of her grandson and granddaughters. As an offering, native flowers were buried with her to carry into her afterlife, the scent of her homeland. My cousin Lani strummed the ukulele and sang "Aloha Oe". Everyone sang in unison bidding farewell to a wonderful woman and mother. My memories are vivid today as if the event happened only a moment ago. The sun on my face, the tropical breeze dancing through my hair and the scent of flowers converged all around us making it a day to remember my mother. I think of her often around this time and the life that she has given me. I love you and miss you very much, mom.

Better late than never

       Many birthdays, funerals, events of my life and changes have happened since I had last posted.  I still have the stiffness and aches of Rheumatoid Arthritis which will be with me until my last breath.  Luckily,  I have a great  Rheumatologist who is very happy with my results and where I am today versus where I was in 2007 at my first diagnosis.  I still have a wonderful support system of God, friends, family and the all mighty Internet!
     The daily living of my life is now wanting me to write, type and say what is on my mind.  With the advancement of picture phones causes me to react to what I see,  most of the time beautiful visions and sometimes,  it pauses me to question.
      This year, turning 50 was uneventful and with little celebration.  Not wanting the "hoopla" that goes along with a unique event was my choice.   Doc Stevens, my Rheumatologist,  has been consistent in mixing and tweaking my medicinal cocktail of Methotrexate, Prednisone and Folic Acid.  In addition to that,  I was on Humira for approximately one year and self-injecting my poor thigh every two weeks with this hugely expensive liquid gold that would take away the inflammation that has turned against me waging a horrific war on my joints and bones.  Friends thought I was heroic to subject myself to that torture when in reality,  I did not want to sit in an office for three hours on an I.V. every week  listening to other patients and their talk of combat with this dreadful disease.  Call me selfish,  uncaring and self-centered.  I was battling my own depressing feelings of fright, fear, loneliness and heaviness that weighted me down.    
     My Rheumatologist seems to think my disease is in remission but can rear its ugly head at any time.  I do thank Heavenly Father along with my dilligance to take my medication to help me along for as long as I can.

Happy Holidays!

   It seems appropriate to say and politically correct in this day and age.  I have a day off from work and making potato salad for Mama Diane's gathering tomorrow at her house.  I'm also fending off a cold and have been self-medicating myself to a healthy return.  My Curasrip people for my Humira pen forgot to call me and now i'll be a little late in taking my injections but it won't matter much.  I have been feeling the best that I can be with little swelling on some days and resting when I can when i'm not working.  Doctor Stephans likes where all my "markers" are and is happy with my results since my first meeting with him.  I was in alot of pain and my movements were very restricting to me.  It was unlike anything I've ever experienced in my life.  A complete wake up call to my health and I thought I was doing all that I could to not have the diseases that my own mother and father had.  It was a bit of a let down but I wasn't too deterred and figured,  my life needs to go on.  Sitting here on Christmas Eve day,  I have much to be thankful for.  I  am still here,  I have my children who love me,  I have friends and family that support and love me unconditionally and I have recently found peace in god's house.  I wish everyone a peaceful and joyous holidays.  Try to help those in need whenever possible and give thanks to the lord, always. 

A year and 2 apartments later.....

My home was sold for way under the asking price and all I had left to show for it was $32,000.00! Most of it went to pay off debts, bills and loans. I guess I should count my blessings that it didn't foreclose, my health is stable and my kids still love me. I've been away for quite awhile and I missed writing. So much has happened in the time spent away from being online. So far the drama in my life has NOT gone away and I am still very much in the thick of it all and trying to take a step back and separate myself from my children's, (young adults) problems. I moved into a small one bedroom apartment and supposedly, I am only supposed to have one other person, my mentally challenged daughter, Pua, living with me. My 16 year old son, Manny has been delayed with going to the Honolulu Job Corp due to improper paperwork and has caused him to be in limbo. In the meantime his new residence is the living room (uncomfortable) futon where he has been observing life living with the women folk. My oldest daughter Nani has temporarily taken up residence in my apartment. She was in a car accident a few days ago after coming home from a party and doesn't really remember what happened. She was sleeping in the back seat and luckily she was buckled up and I'm sure it would have been worse or tragic if she were not. She does remember the driver looking in on her and the other passenger and running from the scene. The police caught and jailed the driver that morning. Wouldn't you think that if you run from the scene of an accident and the car is registered to YOU, don't you think that the Police would find you? I swear, young people and their nonsense thinking.

Coming to a close

as my home has been on the market for a little over one month and there has been very good "foot traffic" as my realtor calls it. Talks with my bank, Downey Savings proved exhausting and futile. Inspite of everything, a single woman working part-time with a 15 year old son cannot afford to live in a home anywhere in California. Faced with the facts, even if I could rent out my in-law apartment downstairs and make part of my monthly mortgage, there are still maintenance issues that come up every other month.
My now beautiful home will belong to someone else. With all that I've been through this past two months, home, realtors, maintenance, work, my RA has been the least of my worries. I am ready to sell and call it a day. I received an offer over the weekend, $20,000.00 below my asking price after dropping down from $565,000.00 (dream price) to $495 (more realistic) price. After advisement from my realtor, I countered. With a steady stream of people coming in to see my home, I am hoping for a few more good offers which I can still entertain while "countering". With that said, I am also preparing for a trip to Ireland and London and will be leaving next week. I am highly looking forward to my respite to recharge my spirit on my journey.
I loved that fact that I lived by myself for a few weeks, without my daughters and son being in the home due to the constant flow of realtors coming to the house. The quietness, solitude and stillness that is in place when you live alone. I had visitors over which I very much welcomed now that my home had been "de-cluttered" and staged wonderfully with art and paintings that I accumulated over my years with frequent trips to "Savors" just two blocks away from me. My daughter is living with friends and will hopefully stay on her own and my son is staying with numerous cousins and his father while i'm in this transitioning stage. It has been hard on my son and I could tell by the way he visits me when he comes home to pick up clothes and such. "I miss this house" he would say to me. Just by his quiet tone, I can tell that he doesn't want to leave either.

Open House

My house is finally finished, paint, Spackle, vacuum, vinyl tile replacement, tons of cleaning, mopping, scrubbing, caulking, garage repair, install lighting, overhead stove fan, fix a broken toilet, donate stuff I wont' use anymore, frequenting Lowe's and Home Depot, store stuff that I need to still sort out, kicking out my brother that has moved in at his convenience, telling my oldest daughter Nani that she needs to grow up and go live with someone or anyone and go on her own, having two of my very good family friends, Mama Diane and Beatrice come over and meticulously clean my daughters apartment, shuttling out my son to his cousins for an unknown amount of time, getting rid of clutter and pretty much a major overhaul of my home. That's what I've been working on since the end of May to now and I'm finally finished. In between working and home, I've been so tired that I've been falling asleep as soon as I sit down for a break or any spare amount of time that I get. Today was the first day where I didn't lift a paint brush, box cutter, tool of any type. No errands to tend or any important tasks to get done. It is finally done. I rested until 11:00am and that is the longest time that I've taken out for myself. It was nice to rest and have this now beautiful house all to myself. My open house was yesterday and from what my realtor said is that the foot traffic was good and there was quite a bit of interest. She thinks that the asking price is a little high and we may need to lower it. I was in agreement. Anything to get the home sold and pay off my bank and hopefully have a little money left over for me. I don't want to be a homeowner anymore. The taxes, monthly allocation of monies that are needed to go to repairing the home and the daily and weekly upkeep and all of this on my own. I'm not a two earner family but a single mother of a 15 year old son who thinks I'm an ATM! I could very well do without all of that. My dream is not to own a home but to enjoy my life. With my RA now is check and medication working to make me work, it will be a matter of time before I really become disabled. I'm hoping that the time will be further along in my future or maybe not. I want to travel, take some time off from work and see all of the things that I've read in books and readings. But for now, it's work and more work. But today, I'm at rest.

Pua is MIA (missing in action)

again and called me to tell me that she had broken a window at her facility (again) and had her boyfriend Adolpho waiting in his car to pick her up to bring her back to the bay area. Those two remind of a modern day "Bonnie and Clyde". Now she is Redwood City living with her boyfriend who is living with his Aunt and some odd children in a crowded two bedroom apartment. I'm not sure she will last long in her state without her medication and I'm sure she will start to wear as the week goes along. A few days later she called to tell me that she was arguing with Adolpho and wanted to seek refuge at my house. I told her "no" and that she should work out whatever problems she has with him and to communicate her concerns. Eventually they worked out whatever it was that bothered her and seemed content on staying where she was at. I'll have her over for a visit at another time.
I'm still cleaning and multi-tasking my home and very much doing most of the work by myself. It is an arduous task to get a phenomenal amount of work done under a deadline. Aside from working, I come home to work on the house. I wake up and work on the house and then go to work. I've curbed my working hours and have slacked off at picking up hours to get my house done before the Open house next week Sunday. Once that is all finally done, I will resume my work hours by picking up more to pad my paycheck. I am planning a long awaited International trip to Dublin, Ireland and London next month for my two week vacation. It will be a much needed time off from everything and everyone. I'm so looking forward to this journey. While my home is on the market, I'm crossing my fingers and hope that it will sell well and hopefully I will have a buyer by the end of summer. I'm optimistic about that, I have to be. My home looks great, I staged it well. It still needs some work, painting the front and back. Not huge monumental tasks but easily done in a few days time. Aside from that, I will be done with everything and I can finally sit back, take a deep breath and have an ice cold beer! My home will be on the market next week.

Happy Mother's Day

as I spend a nice quiet weekend at my favorite Las Vegas Hotel, The Rio. The thought about spending three days alone and by myself is selfish but much needed in my family life of chaos and work. Three days without someone by my side to talk to or have lunch with or to lay out by the pool is selfish, but how many of us can say that or have that kind of time or would want to purposely venture on alone? Not many and yet many of us do. I am connected with my laptop and cell phone yet the urge and necessity for human contact is first and foremost. I regal in my solitude and still feel the pang of loneliness but the thought of my flying back home to unorganized chaos is overwhelming and I sit back in the comfort of my lounge chair in the warmth of the sun hearing sounds of the waterfalls and children playing in the background.
My son's birthday is today as he turns 15 years old. A handsome young man, dark features, clean cut, tall, lanky and built, obvious from his workout with free weights. His voice deeper as he ages, is my heart and soul. I wonder about his future and hope that he has the strength to carry him though his life journey of human trial and tribulations. I hope that I am a good enough role model for him as his mother and sometimes father.
As I drift off to sleep, I think good thoughts and try not to worry about the negatives in my life and focus more on the positive. I thank God that I am able to rise up from my bed in the morning, to open my eyes and take a deep breath and put my two feet on the floor to stand up and take the first steps in my day. I am very thankful for that.