Ohana (family)

A celebration of life brought my brother and I on an 8 hour road trip to Las Vegas for my cousin, Pumpkins funeral. Her full name is Melvalyn Yvette "Keala" Kahalehoe Manuma. In Hawaii, many of the children are given "nick names" growing up and her's is Pumpkin. I'll have to ask my cousin how that came about because there always is a story to how we got our names. The drive was long and luckily I was able to rent a car from Enterprise Car Rental at the San Francisco Airport for $9.99 a day, awesomely good deal when you're on a budget and my car that I primarily drive was in the shop and the cost was over $2600.00 to repair so that pretty much wiped out my checking account. The services were moved from Saturday to a Sunday because of some dispute over money and planning arrangements that needed more preparation. I picked up my brother late into Saturday morning and the drive took about 8 hours with his driving 110 miles an hour at the latter end of our trip. I was very relieved when we got to Las Vegas that there were no Highway Patrol that stopped us for speeding. Arriving into Las Vegas and now we had to search for our cousins who were staying at the California Hotel and we were to spend the night with them. Just by chance, they were still at the Main Street Station Buffet finishing dinner. We joined them for dinner and our reunions are always bittersweet. We did not grow up together, per se, but often when we visited either in Hawaii or California, it was due to our parents and relatives. We did what kids do, teased, played, ate, played more and got in trouble when we did not mind our parents or elders. It was good, clean fun. Being together brought back all those memories and reminiscing when we were younger. Now looking and taking pictures of ourselves, I can see our parents where they once were and the age has caught up to us. Gatherings bring some comfort to us and a spirit that is always re-kindled when we gather but it's unfortunate that it happens when a loved one passes. Celebrations are less as I age and funerals or "Celebrations of life" become more common in my life. My cousin's celebration of life was a true testament to her family's love for her and she will truly be missed. Rest in love my dear cousin, Pumpkin. I love you always.

Mortality

I have been to quite a few funerals for my family involving my cousins on both sides of my family. I've traveled to Honolulu, Hawaii, Las Vegas, NV and have been connected with Facebook as family send their condolences to distant relatives and their passing. Facebook keeps us connected in ways that were not possible 20 years ago and I'm very glad that this is possible today. Such a sad time of passing makes me think of my own mortality in this vibrant, beautiful and spirited world. I cannot imagine the possibilities of not living and always seeking the dark as many people often do. There must be a switch within me that prevents me from the darkness. People live through wars, atrocities that I cannot fathom, living on the streets in weather conditions I have never experienced and many more struggles that on one should have to go through but they do and they persevere against all odds. We go on. We shed tears of joy, sorrow, happiness and pain. We sometimes shed tears for no reason, does there have to be? My own sadness stems from the passing of my parents whom I love very much. They loved their children and family. My mother was a very giving individual as was my father. They always took care of family and friends. Where ever we lived family members always find us and a gathering that would be for a night ended up being for the whole weekend. This is where I receive the gift of caring, giving, loyalty, loving and generosity. All of my values, I credit my parents for this and can only hope that my children strive to attain these values and pass them onto whom ever they come in contact with. A paying if forward, if you will. I try to one good deed a day and have probably done too many deeds at work and people take a step back and realize the uniqueness of my gesture. Their guard comes down and they offer hugs, a smile, a word of thanks and realize there is good in this world.

Time for family

Our "post Thanksgiving" dinner turned out to be an incredible moment in time for me. In attendance was my brother Doug, whom i haven't seen or spoken to in 3 years, my oldest daughter Nani, whom i have recently connected with, my daughter Pua, whom We keep in constant contact with, my partners daughter Camden, who visits regularly, my son Manny who sometimes thinks he knows more than me, my best friend from work, Darrell who's father recently passed away, Steven, Nani's boyfriend and Pua's housemate Judith all came together to celebrate the spirit of giving thanks. It truly was a sprited thanksgiving. There was talk, discussion, laughter, harmony, good heartedness, tender moments, tears of joy, forgivness and the fragile bond of what friendship and family is. All of these qualities and more is what human spirit is about. It has been what I have been missing for quite some time. This is usually a "dark" time for me as my owm parents have passed away many years ago but it stills feels like only yesterday that i was visiting with my parents while they spoil their grand kids. I dont think i will ever lose this feeling but a reunion of this type helps to ease my pain of missing what i need, the spirit and togetherness of family.

Remembering mom

Friday, December 28, 2007 This was written a few years ago and thought i'd share my memory of her: Remembering my mother as an awe-inspiring, beautiful and sometimes fearsome woman as I look back on my sweet memories of her spirit. She passed away on this day in the year 2003 on the island of Oahu with my son and daughter by her side, crying, stroking her hair and kissing her head wishing that she were still here with us and letting her know how well loved she was and will always be. I couldn't wait to whisk her away from the stark coldness of the hospital, invading steeliness of her unfamiliar platform on which she silently drifted off to infinite sleep and the inaudible, unfriendly environment of her confines. Waiting for her on the island of Molokai is the fresh fragrant scent of the lush verdant mountains, the trade winds tenderly anticipating her spirit and the warm gentle lull of the ocean waiting with open arms for my mother's arrival.Being the eldest, I was responsible to take care of her in a way that she has taken care of me all of my years. I had her cremated to be buried atop of her mother's grave on the island of Molokai. I was bringing her home. With my Uncle Ben carving an elaborate Urn made of the finest Hawaiian wood, she would be carried by the love of the families in this way to her birthplace. Friends and families gathered at the Mormon Church to wish her well and we drove the long red dusty road of Molokai to her final resting place. Gathering under the warmth of the hot sun and the tropical breeze bringing the scent of fresh Pikake and white Ginger flowers, scents that she loved, Bishop Keanini offered words of sympathy and strength to all in our own journey and to remember the life and times of my mother. With the braveness and soul of a ten year old, my son at that time asked me if he could lay his grandmother into the ground. I was speechless and offered an affirming nod of approval to him. With my daughter by my side holding me as if to keep me from falling, we watched as my son carefully picked his grandmother's urn up, walked steadily to her resting area and gently placed her into the belly of her mother. His small sullen face watching her as she was unhurriedly descending into her entombment and through his veins flowed her strength and life. She was proud of her grandson and granddaughters. As an offering, native flowers were buried with her to carry into her afterlife, the scent of her homeland. My cousin Lani strummed the ukulele and sang "Aloha Oe". Everyone sang in unison bidding farewell to a wonderful woman and mother. My memories are vivid today as if the event happened only a moment ago. The sun on my face, the tropical breeze dancing through my hair and the scent of flowers converged all around us making it a day to remember my mother. I think of her often around this time and the life that she has given me. I love you and miss you very much, mom.