Finality

of it all. I am here in Las Vegas having attended a funeral of a co-worker that I worked with many years ago during my early years. He passed away from a heart attack and left a wife and adult children. Many nice things were said about him and every one of them true. The collage made by his family showed his life and loves. His true age did not show being only 71 years young. As I watched him being lowered into the cement ground vault brought me back to my own father's burial almost nine years ago in the same place of interment, the Veteran's Cemetery located in Boulder City. It was eerie and sad. My own sadness and loss of a parent is hard. It is still nine years later and I foster that void in a part of my heart, a missing link.
The final closing of the cement lid and the empty sound that it makes in the breeze of the wind. The harshness of this dessert region combined with the living and the dead is a reality check of how fragile my life is. How life is given and how life is taken, in the blink of an eye, the sighing of a last breath and the light that leads you from now to forever. Surely, If I were to be taken now, I would have so much unfinished business that I don't want to leave my family members without resolving much of it. I would so miss life, the breaths, the joy and my friends and family. What will they think when I can't say goodbye? If I love them with all of my heart and show them, then there is no need to say goodbye

Happy Birthday

to me. 46 years young, Rheumatoid arthritis, 2 adult daughters, one soon to be 15 year old son and spending this special day on a mini vacation with my good friend Darrell in Hawaii. Barely making it on the American Airline nonstop to Honolulu, we were given excellent seats in Coach. Spring Break is just around the corner and we are taking a big chance on standing by for seats to the island paradise and it is so worth it. Our hotel is just across the street from the famous Waikiki Beach which the bell boy stated when we asked, "where is the pool?" He pointed to the beach and said, "We have the biggest pool in the world!" We did alot of walking on this trip which was beneficial for me. Eventually, a beautiful convertible Sebring won out and we rented that for two days and toured the Makaha side of the island stopping at desolate beaches, cave exploring and in search of my craving for "Hawaiian poke". I was Darrell's tour guide and the price was right. I took him to all of the places that I used to visit with cousin's and enjoyed our tourist outing. We visited the flea market at Aloha stadium and were admitted inside to watch children playing soccer. There was a festival on the beach of Waikiki complete with a giant screen to watch documentaries on Hawaiian life, we strolled the boardwalk and sat out on the pier to hear the gentle ocean waves and feel the tropical breeze while watching the flickering city lights in the background. We followed the beating drums to the Waikiki Shell and were let in free of charge to view a Tahitian competition and applauded the winners. Our walking took us along the path of the Ala Wai Canal and the liquid quietness of it's water.
During the day, we would visit the Royal Hawaiian Hotel and enjoy it's signature drink, The Royal Hawaiian Mai tai enticing us to drink from the womb of a fresh pineapple. Deliciously intoxicating. People watching the Waikiki beach goers. Taking view of a parade on our day of departure. With in this short amount of time, we accomplished quite a lot. Darrell and I are wonderful travelling partners and go with the flow of our journey. What ever falls into our laps, literally, we take it and enjoy it to the fullest. Alas, our time to go home was the saddest having to leave for rainy California. We know that Hawaii will be there waiting for us to enjoy and it is just a plane ride away.

New Work Schedule

for the month of March and I'm loving it. So far I only work Tue through Thursday with four days off. I'm picking up as many hours as I possibly can to help pay my monthly mortgage. I have to talk to my bank and have them do a "workout" loan for me and lower my payments to something that I can afford and not live paycheck to paycheck. My last resort is that I would have to put my home up for sale on the already overburdened housing market and hope for the best. What a stressful situation and I'm trying very hard not to think about it. I have yet to do my taxes and am hoping to get that done sometime this week. Only a miracle will get me out of this and so far, I have lived on the whims of my good luck and fortune to ride me through most of my life and now, it's a waiting game.