Finality

of it all. I am here in Las Vegas having attended a funeral of a co-worker that I worked with many years ago during my early years. He passed away from a heart attack and left a wife and adult children. Many nice things were said about him and every one of them true. The collage made by his family showed his life and loves. His true age did not show being only 71 years young. As I watched him being lowered into the cement ground vault brought me back to my own father's burial almost nine years ago in the same place of interment, the Veteran's Cemetery located in Boulder City. It was eerie and sad. My own sadness and loss of a parent is hard. It is still nine years later and I foster that void in a part of my heart, a missing link.
The final closing of the cement lid and the empty sound that it makes in the breeze of the wind. The harshness of this dessert region combined with the living and the dead is a reality check of how fragile my life is. How life is given and how life is taken, in the blink of an eye, the sighing of a last breath and the light that leads you from now to forever. Surely, If I were to be taken now, I would have so much unfinished business that I don't want to leave my family members without resolving much of it. I would so miss life, the breaths, the joy and my friends and family. What will they think when I can't say goodbye? If I love them with all of my heart and show them, then there is no need to say goodbye

Christmas day

and we have no signs of the Christmas spirit in our home. The artificial Christmas tree is still downstairs in it's box in storage, lights are still boxed up and ornaments are packed away. With only my son home with me and he being fourteen, he knows who Santa Clause is, the North Pole is a fact and that we are struggling for every last bit of money to hold onto this house. He knows that this will be a bleak Christmas as far as presents from his mother and can always hit up his father for that. He knows that he is well loved, he gets a scolding from me from time to time but in his heart, he know that I love him very much. His sister Pua sent him a B.I.G. blanket comforter which he loves because it's warm and "gangstah". Personally, I think Christmas is overrated and it makes us all go out and spend what we don't have to just be further in debt to credit card companies.
It is also the time of year in which my mother passed away several years ago and has left me empty during this time, missing her immensely. In my house, I watch T.V or movies all day, blog on my laptop, sell EBay stuff, talk to friends and co-workers and enjoy more of my quiet time thinking about my mother and father, my children, brother and sister. I think of better tomorrows and try not to worry because God does watch over us all and cares for us as much as he can, but we have to care first.