Words from a loving mom to her son.

It has been a week of letting go for me. My son left for Air Force Boot Camp last week and it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do besides give birth to him. Long talks, texting, phone calls, shopping for this, mail order that, pay for this, charge for that and leaving messages will all but come to a silent stop. Waiting with him in the boarding area before his flight left, I watched him and his movements. He listened to his Ipod that he bought the night before with his first ever credit card. My thoughts drifted back to when he was three, then seven, I remembered him looking up at me while playing with his firetruck that his grandfather bought him for Christmas and saying to him, "I'm going to miss you when you grow up". Puzzled, his attention turned back towards the firetruck. In recent years, I have whispered that verse over and over to him and now, it is the day and the time has come. At least for the next 8 weeks while he is away. His low manly voice breaks my train of thought, "Mom" he says, "when I call you don't say anything because my CO (Commanding Officer) will be on the other side listening to what I say to you, I only have 15 minutes to talk to you"! His speech will all be written in advance and if he deviate's from that, his CO will be ready to yell at him on the other end of the line. I'm thinking, "WTH", what Commander A** is listening into our conversation while I'm talking to my son??! That's a fricken invasion of our privacy! BUT, this is the Military and it's who my son now belongs to, lock, stock and barrel for the next 6 years. Not mama's son anymore but property of the Good 'ol USA. My son, Manny has been training since October 2012 for this. He has been preparing his young 19 year old body for the rigors of Military life and all that it encompasses. The discipline, preparation, drills, development, cultivation, motivation, sense of self worth and pride that he will soon come to know. I expect the Military to nourish him when he needs support, nurture him in grace, educate him when he does not know, foster his spirit when others won't, instruct his mind to further himself, train him in the manners unknown to him, polish the diamond within him, foster his character with strength and vitality, feed his soul with the word of Heavenly Father. With that you will receive: his loyalty that will command your honesty, his contract is your responsibility, his pledge is your obligation, his burden is your protection, his trust is your liability, his mission is your profession, his life is your accountability. Please, take care of him and his squadron while they help to protect our freedom and the privileges that come at such a high price. I love you always, son and am very proud of you! Thank you for being who you are. Mom

Signed, Sealed and Delivered!

Finally found a car, not a truck, but a nice little car to call my own since my auto accident Dec. 14, 2012. My insurance paid me out for my 1995 Chevy truck, just a little over $3700. My wife's friend, Judy, wanted to sell her Suburu Outback. After she and I looked up information about the car make and model and researched reviews, we made a decision to look it over last weekend. Driving to Pacifica was beautiful, cool, brisk and a rare sunny day. It was Maverick's weekend where world class surfers from all over the world gather to surf for big waves and big money. Along with that is the hundreds of people that converge on this tiny town for this once a year event. Crespi Beach and Rockaway Beach parking lots were exceeding full capacity and wanting to see the picturesque view and catch sight of the huge waves predicted. It's a beach town and I do miss it sometimes but when the fog rolls in, I am very glad to be living in Redwood City and a much warmer climate. Judy and Michael have a beautiful home with two big loving dogs. They are long time residents of Linda Mar and know all about Montara mountain. Hiking, biking and walking is a good place for that. After test driving the Suburu and getting to know it's idiosyncrasies, drive style, smoothness, cooling and heating elements and of course looking under the hood, our verdict was made. After some friendship banter and parlay, monies paid and bill of sale signed, WE HAVE A NEW CAR!! I am very happy to have it. I do have to thank Enterprise Rental and my insurance, USAA for taking care of me while my truck was at the adjusters, Cooks Collision. I also thank my friend Greg K. for loaning me his car which was a sprightly little 5-speed Blue Toyota Matrix. It's been a busy week of car searching, physical therapists, doctor visits, mounds of paperwork and going back to work. Exhilarating, excited and exhausted all summed it up for me this week. Life is crazy and I'm loving it. I thank the Good Lord for watching over me everyday. Amen

Happy Mother's Day

as I spend a nice quiet weekend at my favorite Las Vegas Hotel, The Rio. The thought about spending three days alone and by myself is selfish but much needed in my family life of chaos and work. Three days without someone by my side to talk to or have lunch with or to lay out by the pool is selfish, but how many of us can say that or have that kind of time or would want to purposely venture on alone? Not many and yet many of us do. I am connected with my laptop and cell phone yet the urge and necessity for human contact is first and foremost. I regal in my solitude and still feel the pang of loneliness but the thought of my flying back home to unorganized chaos is overwhelming and I sit back in the comfort of my lounge chair in the warmth of the sun hearing sounds of the waterfalls and children playing in the background.
My son's birthday is today as he turns 15 years old. A handsome young man, dark features, clean cut, tall, lanky and built, obvious from his workout with free weights. His voice deeper as he ages, is my heart and soul. I wonder about his future and hope that he has the strength to carry him though his life journey of human trial and tribulations. I hope that I am a good enough role model for him as his mother and sometimes father.
As I drift off to sleep, I think good thoughts and try not to worry about the negatives in my life and focus more on the positive. I thank God that I am able to rise up from my bed in the morning, to open my eyes and take a deep breath and put my two feet on the floor to stand up and take the first steps in my day. I am very thankful for that.

Another Day

It's not enough
that is on my plate
a disease with no cure
no cure, yet, to create

excruciating pain
where did you come from?
where will you go?
when you are done

strong and able
I was once before
after you arrived
I was on all four

disbelieving, that this
was happening to me
irreversible damage
to my once healthy body

my energies drained
fatigue sets in
My question to God
what was my sin?

my body
red with rage
not from anger
my body
its cage

I have to go on
so much to do
will you let me
live this through

settled and uncomfortable
not trusting this
a slow patient breath
of life, I will miss

My disease and I, coexist
day by day
I pray to God
to see another day

Fourth shot, left thigh

Because I have to interchange injection shots on my thigh, I have to keep track of where my last injection was and because my mind sometimes forgets, this is a good reminder for me. I took a little over half an hour to finally administer the shot, again, talking myself into it and each time looking at the end of the needle. That is what takes me so long because I tend to psyche myself out. Once done, it wasn't that bad. I have to stop looking at the needle before injection to quicken my task, next time, that is what I will do.
The rain is falling as I hear it outside on my windowsill. I instinctively sense that most of my companies inbound arrivals will be delayed due to weather and wind. My quiet time to myself is everyday which I highly guard and treasure. Luckily my 14 soon to be 15 year old son is very self sufficient and will seek my attention, when needed, in the form of his curious questions of life. When he was a little curly haired moppet, he had unending and intelligent questions that he would ask me. "Why makes the sky blue?" "Why is a tree two colors instead of one color?" I would answer him as honestly as I could. If I did not know the answer, we would seek the information from a dictionary or search the internet. Now a towering young handsome man with a voice so deep, my thoughts bring me back to his toddler days of mischief and squeals of easy laughter. Children grow so quickly when you're raising them. In between working and life, they have found the time to evolve, mold and form into productive vessels of God bringing forth good values that I have instilled in them throughout their lives.
The sound of pelting rain upon my window stirs me from my thoughts as I regain my focus on my quiet time and ready myself for work.

Christmas day

and we have no signs of the Christmas spirit in our home. The artificial Christmas tree is still downstairs in it's box in storage, lights are still boxed up and ornaments are packed away. With only my son home with me and he being fourteen, he knows who Santa Clause is, the North Pole is a fact and that we are struggling for every last bit of money to hold onto this house. He knows that this will be a bleak Christmas as far as presents from his mother and can always hit up his father for that. He knows that he is well loved, he gets a scolding from me from time to time but in his heart, he know that I love him very much. His sister Pua sent him a B.I.G. blanket comforter which he loves because it's warm and "gangstah". Personally, I think Christmas is overrated and it makes us all go out and spend what we don't have to just be further in debt to credit card companies.
It is also the time of year in which my mother passed away several years ago and has left me empty during this time, missing her immensely. In my house, I watch T.V or movies all day, blog on my laptop, sell EBay stuff, talk to friends and co-workers and enjoy more of my quiet time thinking about my mother and father, my children, brother and sister. I think of better tomorrows and try not to worry because God does watch over us all and cares for us as much as he can, but we have to care first.