Coming to a close

as my home has been on the market for a little over one month and there has been very good "foot traffic" as my realtor calls it. Talks with my bank, Downey Savings proved exhausting and futile. Inspite of everything, a single woman working part-time with a 15 year old son cannot afford to live in a home anywhere in California. Faced with the facts, even if I could rent out my in-law apartment downstairs and make part of my monthly mortgage, there are still maintenance issues that come up every other month.
My now beautiful home will belong to someone else. With all that I've been through this past two months, home, realtors, maintenance, work, my RA has been the least of my worries. I am ready to sell and call it a day. I received an offer over the weekend, $20,000.00 below my asking price after dropping down from $565,000.00 (dream price) to $495 (more realistic) price. After advisement from my realtor, I countered. With a steady stream of people coming in to see my home, I am hoping for a few more good offers which I can still entertain while "countering". With that said, I am also preparing for a trip to Ireland and London and will be leaving next week. I am highly looking forward to my respite to recharge my spirit on my journey.
I loved that fact that I lived by myself for a few weeks, without my daughters and son being in the home due to the constant flow of realtors coming to the house. The quietness, solitude and stillness that is in place when you live alone. I had visitors over which I very much welcomed now that my home had been "de-cluttered" and staged wonderfully with art and paintings that I accumulated over my years with frequent trips to "Savors" just two blocks away from me. My daughter is living with friends and will hopefully stay on her own and my son is staying with numerous cousins and his father while i'm in this transitioning stage. It has been hard on my son and I could tell by the way he visits me when he comes home to pick up clothes and such. "I miss this house" he would say to me. Just by his quiet tone, I can tell that he doesn't want to leave either.

Happy Mother's Day

as I spend a nice quiet weekend at my favorite Las Vegas Hotel, The Rio. The thought about spending three days alone and by myself is selfish but much needed in my family life of chaos and work. Three days without someone by my side to talk to or have lunch with or to lay out by the pool is selfish, but how many of us can say that or have that kind of time or would want to purposely venture on alone? Not many and yet many of us do. I am connected with my laptop and cell phone yet the urge and necessity for human contact is first and foremost. I regal in my solitude and still feel the pang of loneliness but the thought of my flying back home to unorganized chaos is overwhelming and I sit back in the comfort of my lounge chair in the warmth of the sun hearing sounds of the waterfalls and children playing in the background.
My son's birthday is today as he turns 15 years old. A handsome young man, dark features, clean cut, tall, lanky and built, obvious from his workout with free weights. His voice deeper as he ages, is my heart and soul. I wonder about his future and hope that he has the strength to carry him though his life journey of human trial and tribulations. I hope that I am a good enough role model for him as his mother and sometimes father.
As I drift off to sleep, I think good thoughts and try not to worry about the negatives in my life and focus more on the positive. I thank God that I am able to rise up from my bed in the morning, to open my eyes and take a deep breath and put my two feet on the floor to stand up and take the first steps in my day. I am very thankful for that.

Mortgage meltdown

I have been in talks on the phone with my mortgage lenders as my monthly payments have been overwhelming since I was on sick leave for four months and not able to keep up with my mortgage. Foreclosure looms in the distance and I have done everything possible to keep from losing my home. Downey has received my packet information for a loan modification but it will take four to six weeks to process. In the meantime, I am to call back every week to check on the status of the packet and where I am in the process. There is no foreclosure date, yet. I am hoping that they will modify my loan to where I can pay a respectable amount a month and not some outrageous sum for the next year or two. I have made up my mind to try to sell my home and just be a renter. I am totally satisfied with that. I have retained my realtor who sold my father's home in Pacifica and found this nice house in Daly City complete with an in-law apartment downstairs. My oldest daughter, Nani, who rents from me has not paid me any rent and I have told her that I cannot support a 24 year old! I suggested that she go and live with her boyfriend, Sergio, who she has recently gotten back together with and has been seeing. I did catch him on my front door stoop trying to leave an overnight bag that she had forgotten and confronted him about her staying with him. Like any man, he made up excuses that he lives on his own and likes living by himself since his mother moved back to Central America. But he calls my daughter when he wants to spend time with her to stay overnight at his place. Well you know what, Sergio? Take her, the hell, with you! Then I wouldn't have to see your free loading butt in my house! I did tell my daughter that when we sell this house, I will be moving into a 2 bedroom apartment for my son and I only. She's welcome to stay with us, but it will out in the front living room. It is very hard to live in California to afford a home or apartment here. Adult children moving back in with their parents. Children don't want to help their parents out with much especially if the adult children's money is going to important things like, partying with their friends. They eat your food, use your laundry detergent and have no decency to respect your home. It's the "GEN-M's" Generation moochers! I'm only speaking on behalf of my daughter. There may be more out there like her but then again, I know that there are alot of other self respecting young adults who do have their crap together and know what it takes to make it out in the world. Some just take a little longer.

Where have you been?

It has been some time since I have posted here. I have many half written and almost finished posts that I need to set up to send out but have not had a chance to do that. Work has been tremendously busy as well as my life. My taxes were sent out on the due date online only to be rejected by the IRS due to the father claiming my son on his taxes as a dependant and for what? The boy hardly sees that dead beat anyway. After re-submitting the paper and extra documentation by snail mail, I will again wait for their decision.
Also, I am trying to work out a lower payment factor in my mortgage in the hopes of NOT being one of the millions of homeowners who are walking away from their properties and mailing in my keys or the so called "jingle mail" syndrome. Gas prices are high, food prices are even higher. My grocery bill has gone up by at least $50.00 more than usual and we've scaled back on our buying strategies and sticking on what we really need or are going to cook for the next few days. I'm stocking up on soups since that is relatively cheap but loaded with sodium and only for a raining day to fill in.
I've been picking up lots of hours at work and padding my paycheck to counter the rising prices of our economy but it's a no win situation. Just try to stay afloat and surviving.
My RA has been easy to work with as long as I am taking my medication. Granted, I missed my Humira by three days and I'm hoping that it won't be a big deal when I take my second dose this month, on-time!
Beatrice finally got her annuity rolled over into an IRA and is very estatic about that but in the same breath, she found out a very good friend and choir sister has passed away today and is feeling very sad about that. I'm hoping that my life will start to unwrinkle the numerous bumps in the road as I go along and trying hard not to think the worse.

I can’t you idiot! I’m not an able bodied person!!!”

As quoted by Sasha from "living with RA". I totally know that she means by that statement. People in general, we like to believe, are good citizens in human society. Working at the airport, I know all too well about the living and able bodied people versus the disabled and families travelling with very young children. Impatience does not belong in the flying world of hurried travellers and trying to be the 1st one on board so that you can get your carry on luggage in the overhead bins. We neglect to see this and in our own selfish virtue, we become concerned about number one, ourselves. Travelling in 1st class, they are in their own world. Once they are on that red or blue carpet, who they leave behind in the boarding area is of no concern to them. Usually the next section to board is the frequent flyer's some of whom it can take up to 10 minutes to board alone. Some of them will be agitated since they did not buy or get upgraded to 1st class. Others will be completely beside themselves if families with children or the disabled are boarded before them sometimes causing a scene with their unkind comments or dagger throwing glares. "How dare they be boarded before me!" To these people, I think, 9/11 did not happen, the War in Iraq is a joke, Hitler loved African Americans, everyone is alive and well after the Katrina Hurricane and our economy is doing excellent. I know that these are not true at all. But it is easy to forget, put away and go on in the minds of most Americans. If we keep remembering these things, we might be a little more kinder and not harsh with a driving edge. We might learn to find our purpose and live together just a little longer on this place we call Earth.

New Work Schedule

for the month of March and I'm loving it. So far I only work Tue through Thursday with four days off. I'm picking up as many hours as I possibly can to help pay my monthly mortgage. I have to talk to my bank and have them do a "workout" loan for me and lower my payments to something that I can afford and not live paycheck to paycheck. My last resort is that I would have to put my home up for sale on the already overburdened housing market and hope for the best. What a stressful situation and I'm trying very hard not to think about it. I have yet to do my taxes and am hoping to get that done sometime this week. Only a miracle will get me out of this and so far, I have lived on the whims of my good luck and fortune to ride me through most of my life and now, it's a waiting game.

Fatigue

sets in as my long enduring hours of standing and constant work keeps my body from getting it's proper rest. I am right back to my old self again working tremendous hours a day for somewhat low wages and I cannot afford to do part-time work. In order to maintain my mortgage, bills and credit cards, I have to work maniac hours. By the time that I finish my work shift in the morning, I am completely exhausted by the time I get home. I have little time to nibble on something to eat before falling effortlessly to the comfort of my flannel sheets and firmness of my bed only to wake up at eleven in the evening in time to catch the news. I had a few tasks to do today but was too tired to complete any of them, one of which was to go to the bank and transfer some money which I will have to do tomorrow and to get a lab checkup for my primary on my glucose levels to test for diabetes which is an annual thing for me due to that it runs in my family. I want to try to prevent any diseases that my parents had and keep myself in check so that I can live a long comfortable life. Basically, whatever tests that I can afford under my insurance, I want it done.

Piggybacking

on my wireless connections has been much harder to access lately. Everyone has locked in and blocked me from piggy backing off of their servers. Serves me right that I need to get my own wireless router to have my own access. My son dominates the Internet at home due to school and what not. I am left to my own devices at work or when I can get online at home so catching up on my blog has been a little bit more tricky.What a stormy day it was at the airport and sure enough flight delays abound. We tried to accommodate as many customers as we possible could with full flights and other airlines. I'm sure many misconnected and will have to overnight in those connecting cities. There is nothing that we, as an airline, that we could do to accommodate all of our passengers. I have a full shift today and tonight and will need to go home and nap before the start of my evening shift. I received a very nice paycheck this time due to the fact that I'm picking up more hours versus my sick time paycheck which was pitiful. I can't neglect my health and will need to rest when I can and hopefully I will when I get home.

Delay

out of Las Vegas due to San Francisco weather. My flight on US AIR was running about an hour and a half behind schedule. I was truly hoping it would not be delayed any further as I have a rescheduled RA appointment at 4:00pm. As a standby employee, I was cleared immediately by the nice male gate agent who gave me an aisle seat close to the front of the aircraft. With another SFO flight that was scheduled and now delayed, the agent working that one started piling passengers onto my flight which was now going to be very full. Needless to say, I made it. While waiting in the boarding area, I noticed "Dog, the bounty hunter", from Hawaii sitting at the slot machine area being closely watched by his co-worker/body guard. In a few seconds, his wife Beth showed up by his side and you can't miss her! I tried to dish out my camera from my bag but they were gone at the sound of the 1st class boarding announcement for Phoenix. That would have been a sweet picture.My flight home was a little turbulent as we landed in raining San Francisco a little after 2:00pm. I drove home to check up on my son and my home . I had not seen my RAtologist since December when I started my Humira injections. In between that time, I have taken a few blood tests at the lab and so far, he is very pleased at where my marks are. My SED rate when I first started in August was over 100 when my Primary doctor diagnosed me. My RA, one week later pegged it at 96. Today, he stated it was at 32. He lowered my Prednisone from one and half tablet to one only. I'm still taking one folic acid and one multi-vitamin daily. 4 tablets of Methotrexate is still taken weekly. He was also very pleased to hear that I have not taken any Aleve or Motrin for pain. I would really rather feel the pain than NOT to feel any pain. How else can I identify if my body is hurting? My visits with him will be twice a year and hopefully down to once a year unless anything significant happens between now and then. I'll still be coming in monthly for more expanded blood tests which he will CC to my primary doctor. I am very happy that he's happy. I feel wonderful right now and very pleased with the results of my medication. Sure, I've gained a bit of weight versus the pain but to keep myself in check and back to normal, it's worth a little weight gain.

Blogs

on Rheumatoid Arthritis is plentiful and abound on the Internet. In my search for knowledge about this disease that has taken up residence in my body, I am the gracious host and have learned to co-exist with this foreign invader by administering medicine that will help to keep the swelling from gravitating upwards making my fingers look like pudgy sausages and from the excruciating pain that rides along with it. Of course there are side effects and a myriad of other problems that come with taking these medicines. My RAtologist is keeping a close watch on my blood and my state of mind during my appointments. There are many helpful and informative sights on RA originating from society and centers for health. Knowledgeable as they are, the blogs or rather reports are very detailed as far as talking about the factors, symptom's and depth of the disease. I find comfort in the blogs written in part by people like me that have a life, family, work and are trying to understand the "why me?" syndrome. I remember when I was first diagnosed with this disease. I was thinking, "ok, it's not Cancer" and I wasn't really too worried about it. After delving into the Internet on any and all information about rheumatoid arthritis, I was exhausted. The only visual material wording that stunned me in all of these blogs were the words, "No Cure". At least Cancer has a cure! My emotions were overwhelmed and I cried for a few moments at a time. There was too much for me to do before I become totally debilitated by this disease. It took me a few months say the word "disease" and acknowledge it as such. After a healthy amount of reading and extensive visits with my RAtologist, my state of mind is in a better place and attitude. I have learned to cope with this foreign resident and have given everything it needs so that we can peacefully co-exist one day at a time.

Super Tuesday

is what they are touting. It's voting day and assured to be a monumental event as we will have a first in that of Obama, our first ever African American President or Clinton, our first ever woman President. Who ever will win, I would hope the other would stay on as Vice President creating a Dream team power combination. I did notice many more young people voting and it is refreshing to see.
Since the injection of my Humira last week, the bruise on my left thigh has spread to the size of a quarter and the welt had receded within 24 hours. I called the nurse practitioner to advise her of this and she stated that I may have not let the alcohol dry, after swabbing the prepared area of injection and the alcohol caused some irritation and bruising there. I will need to remember that for the next shot which will be on the right thigh. After completing the thigh area, the stomach is another area that is open for the Humira injections just to change up the administering. I'm going to have to talk myself into that too. I'm fairing rather well on the rest of my medication and I'm still at one and a half tablet of prednisone, one folic acid and one multi-vitamin, daily. The methotrexate is taking religiously every Wednesday at four tablets. I will see my RAtologist on the 20th of this month and make sure to visit the lab for another blood test to show where my markers are. In August, my marker or RA factor registered at 101 with my primary doctor. With my RA physician, the marker stood at 96. Since my treatment began to now, I have lowered it to the low 40's. My RAtologist would like to see it in my 30's.
I have been eating about as healthy as I want but can still use a good walking program to shed some pounds and keep my joints healthy. Swimming is best and highly recommended.
I never want to feel that painful affliction ever again. My body did not belong to me and it was unrecognizable, inhospitable and a cruel, sick joke was being played upon my senses. I felt helpless and worried that my still young life at 45 (I'll be 46 next month) is coming to an end. Having faith and trust in my RA doctor proved that I would regain my independence with the help of medication and management. I have never taken for granted my life and have never been frivolous with it. This disease has caused me to take a closer look to improve my life and make it more enjoyable in my years ahead.

Reentry

back to work since yesterday has been wonderful. This is my second day on the job and my shift involves being the meal planner, billing and security checks. It's nice to see all of my co-workers and engage in their witty and humorous conversations. They are an enjoyable part of my life. Since I've been gone for my four months, I also observed that the gossipping and tattle tailing is still going on by the same people that choose to live their working life by these dramatizations. It saddens me to think ill of my co-workers like this and it makes coming to work more of a process than entertainment which can turn a four day a week work schedule into a piercing brittle thorn in my side. In the words of the famous Rodney King, "Why can't we all just get along?" That statement and those words hold true in everyday life but it is the denseness of ignorance and unfamiliarity that makes most people not want to apply it to their own lives. It is what we are taught as a young child that carries forth with us into our adult life. I recently had this conversation with Mama Diane who is a young woman with an old spirited and knowledable soul and Carmen's mother, on this topic. We can delve into the deepest of conversation and I come away with an awareness of my life. Making it better for my children as my parents have made better for me.
At work, we toil on, gossip, drama and all of it's realization put forth in full view playing out like a disastrous scene from Shakespeare. Most of the uninvolved stay out of it, some can't help but get tangled up in the labyrinth and others just plain and simple seem to feed off of this commotion. My finding: you can never please anyone, anywhere at anytime.

Fibroid

I finally saw my primary physician and the results of my pelvic sonogram came back with a lone fibroid about an inch long. It is the probable cause of my heavy bleeding once a month. My last successful, "Aunty Flo" was in November 2007. I missed December and maybe even this month. It could also be the extraordinary amount of medication that I'm my body has involuntarily taken these past four months. She immediately tells me that I can have an operation to have it extracted. That will cause me to miss at least one to three more months of work due to my recovery time and possibly losing everything I have or own. Or wait a few months to see if it has grown in size and then try to remedy it then. Or my missing "Aunty Flo" for the past two months may mean that I'm on my way to menopause which in turn will dry out the fibroid and cause it to shrink and slough off. Should my fibroid decide to grow, another procedure not widely known is NovaSure. I've been reading about it since a friend of mine recommended it to me after she read about such invasive procedures. It sounds like a godsend that anything that doesn't go up your hoo ha, in your wa hoo, or out your ying yang would be welcomed. One good thing about being off from work is the amount of reading that I accomplished, crossword puzzles that kept my mind agile and emails from friends and family has kept me busy. My HR man at work has given me the green light that my doctor has certified me fit to come back to work and start on January 16th. I am elated!

A few days ago

I self injected myself with my second dose of Humira. The first one was in December in the presence of a nurse at my doctor's office. It is entirely different having a nurse eyeball you and injecting yourself on your own with this type of pen needle device. It took me approximately one hour to talk myself into the procedure. Yes, I'm a scaredy cat when it comes to needles. I don't freak out, I just don't like them. I'm hoping that this would be more effortless in the future and I'll be more tolerant of my feat.
I'm still on 2 prednisone/1 folic acid/1 metaplex multivitamin daily and 4 methotrexate on Wednesday, every week with no side effects. I've gained back my weight what I lost before going on my leave which is approximately twenty pounds. My stiffness had gone from my fingers upon waking in the morning and I can move much better since being on Humira. I try to eat breakfast most mornings and being consistent with Oatmeal or Malt-o-Meal and a piece of fruit. Since I've been home, cooking has been a wonderful process for me and especially my son since he is the main benefactor of my cooking. Recently, I bought a juicer from my local goodwill store down the street from me and it has been a much needed item in my household. I juice everything, vegetables and fruits. With the left over pulp, I blend it up with a mixture of ice and yogurt to make a nutritious smoothie. I do know that I have to start on an exercise regimen. Daily chores, laundry and washing the dishes does not count. I have to get my heart rate up and start toning up my flab if I want to live a little longer than the way that I'm going now with my health and pain management under control. Soon, I'll be starting back to work and my rat race begins forgetting my good "old habits" and acquiring and sticking to my great new habits.

Resolutions

I am not one for making resolutions because I am really good at breaking them, so I don't make them. I have changed my way of eating, hopefully, for the better. Since being home, I have been cooking more instead of take-out. Switching to more tea and water and laying off of the soda and junk food. My weakness is chips and chocolate and do find the time to sneak a few items into my diet for that. So far, my rheumatoid arthritis has generally improved. With the introduction of the Humira injection, my life has upgraded itself out of the stiffness category when I wake up in the morning. I am still on 2 prednisone/1folic acid/1 metaplex vitamin a day. Four methotrexate pills every Wednesday and the Humira shot is every other week. I'm thanking my lucky stars that I have not had any side affects from my medication. My certain markers or criteria that my RAtologist always looks for has significantly been reduced. I've gained back most of my weight from four months ago when I started my water and tea diet. I can still fit into my uniform, which I'm grateful for. I'm hoping that I can remember what I have to do at work and can fall in line with everyone else. That I will be strong enough to open airplane doors or tackle a terrorist should he get past me upon trying to audit me at the gates. To have the strength and spirit to accommodate the public should there be a melt down in weather situations and not be totally frazzled by the end of my day. I'm looking forward to seeing my co-workers and getting back into my working environment. Most of all, picking up enough hours without practically "killing" or exhausting myself to see a normal paycheck instead of the pittance that I've been receiving while on sick leave. I'm looking forward to the freedom of flying again as this time off has kept me road bound to the earth. The constant joy that I receive from my employment and my friends that keep me laughing in good and bad times. No resolutions, but I have an abundance of little things to be thankful for.
Happy New Years!

Low energy

from my medication and I've slept until 9:00am. I took my HUMIRA injection yesterday at my doctor's office under the guidance of Jeanine, the office nurse. She started off by showing my exactly how to handle the Humira Pen, a long tubular pen like device with a needle on one end and a push button trigger on the other end. The needle is concealed by the tube and after I have iced an area of my upper thigh, I swab it with an alcohol swab, hold the pen, lightly, to the now sterile area and press the other end of the pen. I count to 10 seconds and feel a slight pinch. When the little yellow ball in the window of the pen shows, the medication has been fully dispensed. I take a little cotton ball and hold it in the area of the injection, but not too much pressure because that almost hurts more than the shot itself and put a bandaid over the cotton ball to stop any bleeding. With Jeanine's approving smile, she pats me on the shoulder and says, "Like a champ". Continuing on, she says that most men would rather come in for the one hour I V hook up than to administer the shot themselves. Yes, I was very brave under Jeanine's care. In two weeks under my own supervision, we'll see where my brave ability level will be then!

This has been one hell of a week. My TB test turned out to be negative and I'm cleared for the Humira shot which I picked up today at Walgreen's. I'll be going into to see Jenine tomorrow at my RAtologist office for the follow up injection and how to use the pen device. I'm currently mourning the loss of a good friend and am seeking refuge and comfort in this blog. My holidays will be very quiet with the exception of a few parties that I've been invited to from my good friends that I still have. I've just barely sent out my Christmas cards in time for the holiday rush and I don't see myself going to a mall anytime soon. My RAtologist thinks that I'll be able to go back to work in January of 2008. I'm very happy for that because I need to work. Don't get me wrong, but staying at home is wonderful but only if you can afford it. I just barely squeaked by. I tasked myself for the past three months and completed just about everything that I wanted to do. I want to get back to work! I want to start travelling! I want to start living! I want to not feel unwanted! I can only hope that next year will be a much better and improved one for me.

Doc meeting

went well. I'll be taking the next phase of the medication next week. I have to take a TB test to make sure that I don't have the TB virus because this next phase of my medication can bring it on if I house that virus. My RAtologist gave me three options to take the medicine, Humira. I can either have it administered in his office by IV and be hooked up for an hour, administer it myself or come in for a weekly injection. I chose the IV, not wanting to see any type of needle let alone administering it myself. He seemed disappointed and instead, he showed me this device that looked similar to a tampon applicator and that would be how I would take my meds. He took off both ends of the plastic caps (I still never saw the needle) and showed me how to inject myself either in the fat part of my stomach area or in my thigh. Then he pushed on one end of the applicator and supposedly the medicine would be injected through the other side. It looked very easy and stated that it would pinch a little. I decided to administer it myself once every two months versus an hour in the doctors office hooked up to an IV. He would have to check with my health plan to make sure they can pay for the medication. After doing some research, I found out that this drug can cost upwards of $12,000.00-$15,000.00 a year!! Holy Crap, they better take care of it. That's half of what I make as a part-timer! He also increased my prednisone because of the recent stiffness in my hand joint and the pain I've been in. Still, he has not taken any x rays of my bones or joints and I will make an appointment with my primary and have her take it. This RAtologist doesn't seem to think I need it and besides, he says that I have an aggressive form of RA. I would want to know where I am if I have any type of bone loss due to this disease. It's true that you have to watch out for yourself in this medical field. In the meantime, I've got a TB shot to watch for the weekend and am going to take it easy.

I got approved

from my company fund to help me out with expenses such as my mortgage and PG&E. I am so happy that it's one less thing that I have to worry about. My company takes care of it's employees in times of financial burden, disasters and other situations beyond our control. I applied a few weeks ago and the woman, Janet called me the other day and said that they'll be going into their weekly meeting and she'll be presenting my case. I later found out that they call your station to ask about the employee's performance, attendance, training and such. She called me Tuesday to let me know that I was approved and that they would FEDX an envelope out to me. I was so elated and thanked her profusely, trying very hard not to cry during our phone conversation. I would be receiving the envelope this Thursday. I told myself that as soon as I go back to work, I will sign on and start contributing to the fund. It is such an excellent source of help for the employees and i am forever in their gratitude for it.

Painful this morning

as I wake up to my right hand in claw like position. To stretch my fingers caused me to wince and grimace at the pain. What the hell is going on? Since the lowering of my prednisone, I have been experiencing excruciating pain in my upper body region.
I received a phone call at 6:30am and it was my daughter Nani asking if I could come and pick her up at 7am. I asked, "Why can't you get a ride home?" She replied, "He doesn't have a car". After giving me directions to her location, I hung up the phone, clearly annoyed at the fact that I have to get up . I took my medication and made my way there. The directions were fairly easy and I picked her up outside of an apartment complex. As she climbed into the truck, she could sense that I was upset. It was a silent 20 minute ride home. Because freakin PG&E are doing some type of street work and I was not able to park in my driveway. I had to look for parking elsewhere. Luckily, the parking goddess was with me and I was able to find a space big enough for my truck to fit into on another street. Maneuvering parallel parking was more difficult than I thought. Because of my right hand still in pain, it took me close to 10 minutes to finally park her. Nani asked if I was OK. I replied, "No, my hand hurts and I'm not able to park this truck because of it". She apologized profusely and feeling very guilty, she asked if there was anything she could do. I stubbornly replied, "No" and we started to walk home. I told her to walk ahead of me because I was going to be a little slower. As she walked away with a quick stride, I could sense her remorse. Afterwards, I felt guilty for putting that on her and wanted her to know that I'm not well. Watching her walk away, I saw an image of myself at her age, strong and independent.
*************** Addendum ******************************
Before Nani went to work, she apologized to me for not thinking about my RA and for causing me pain and I apologized to her for snapping at her and telling her that the RA is not her fault. We hugged and gave each other the traditional kiss on the forehead to let each other know, we're ok.