Poolside

at the Paris Hotel in Las Vegas as I am comfortable in my lounge chair feeling the gentle breeze of the wind waft over my body and the warmth of the sunshine upon me. What a grand feeling knowing that I don't have to be anywhere at anytime with anyone, decadent! So far, I have not won anything on the silver mechanical monstrosities called slot machines. My budget was very low coming to Vegas in the first place with only one thing in mind....picking up my Starbucks coffee kit. Relaxed as I am, this will be my last night here in this beautiful hotel. I will be leaving early in the morning to catch whatever flight that will get me home in time for my RAtologist appointment at 4:00pm which was originally scheduled for today. About an hour in the sun was good and called it a day for the pool and started towards the spa for another workout on the treadmill and bicycle. I love my Diamond Card and all the perks that go with it. After an hour of working out, I made my way back to my room to rest and take advantage of my tub for a bubble bath, delicious! Only to shower off and take a short nap before going to the Diamond Lounge for something to eat. I met quite a few personable waitstaff while here in the lounge and it shows that they truly enjoy what they're doing. Rustin and Mario remember me from previous nights ago and nod, "Good to see you again!". I make my way over to my usual corner of the dining room in my two seat booth tucked away in a nook. Again, sandwiches are the main course with crispy chicken wings and dim sum rounding out the hors d'oeuvre menu. Drinks flow freely here and the patrons come and go. I take my white zinfandel and a cappuccino for drinks while noshing away on the canapes, deserts and appetizers. My belly full again, I bid adieu to the staff that has treated me as if they have known me for ages and set out to find a winning machine.

Super Tuesday

is what they are touting. It's voting day and assured to be a monumental event as we will have a first in that of Obama, our first ever African American President or Clinton, our first ever woman President. Who ever will win, I would hope the other would stay on as Vice President creating a Dream team power combination. I did notice many more young people voting and it is refreshing to see.
Since the injection of my Humira last week, the bruise on my left thigh has spread to the size of a quarter and the welt had receded within 24 hours. I called the nurse practitioner to advise her of this and she stated that I may have not let the alcohol dry, after swabbing the prepared area of injection and the alcohol caused some irritation and bruising there. I will need to remember that for the next shot which will be on the right thigh. After completing the thigh area, the stomach is another area that is open for the Humira injections just to change up the administering. I'm going to have to talk myself into that too. I'm fairing rather well on the rest of my medication and I'm still at one and a half tablet of prednisone, one folic acid and one multi-vitamin, daily. The methotrexate is taking religiously every Wednesday at four tablets. I will see my RAtologist on the 20th of this month and make sure to visit the lab for another blood test to show where my markers are. In August, my marker or RA factor registered at 101 with my primary doctor. With my RA physician, the marker stood at 96. Since my treatment began to now, I have lowered it to the low 40's. My RAtologist would like to see it in my 30's.
I have been eating about as healthy as I want but can still use a good walking program to shed some pounds and keep my joints healthy. Swimming is best and highly recommended.
I never want to feel that painful affliction ever again. My body did not belong to me and it was unrecognizable, inhospitable and a cruel, sick joke was being played upon my senses. I felt helpless and worried that my still young life at 45 (I'll be 46 next month) is coming to an end. Having faith and trust in my RA doctor proved that I would regain my independence with the help of medication and management. I have never taken for granted my life and have never been frivolous with it. This disease has caused me to take a closer look to improve my life and make it more enjoyable in my years ahead.

Resolutions

I am not one for making resolutions because I am really good at breaking them, so I don't make them. I have changed my way of eating, hopefully, for the better. Since being home, I have been cooking more instead of take-out. Switching to more tea and water and laying off of the soda and junk food. My weakness is chips and chocolate and do find the time to sneak a few items into my diet for that. So far, my rheumatoid arthritis has generally improved. With the introduction of the Humira injection, my life has upgraded itself out of the stiffness category when I wake up in the morning. I am still on 2 prednisone/1folic acid/1 metaplex vitamin a day. Four methotrexate pills every Wednesday and the Humira shot is every other week. I'm thanking my lucky stars that I have not had any side affects from my medication. My certain markers or criteria that my RAtologist always looks for has significantly been reduced. I've gained back most of my weight from four months ago when I started my water and tea diet. I can still fit into my uniform, which I'm grateful for. I'm hoping that I can remember what I have to do at work and can fall in line with everyone else. That I will be strong enough to open airplane doors or tackle a terrorist should he get past me upon trying to audit me at the gates. To have the strength and spirit to accommodate the public should there be a melt down in weather situations and not be totally frazzled by the end of my day. I'm looking forward to seeing my co-workers and getting back into my working environment. Most of all, picking up enough hours without practically "killing" or exhausting myself to see a normal paycheck instead of the pittance that I've been receiving while on sick leave. I'm looking forward to the freedom of flying again as this time off has kept me road bound to the earth. The constant joy that I receive from my employment and my friends that keep me laughing in good and bad times. No resolutions, but I have an abundance of little things to be thankful for.
Happy New Years!

This has been one hell of a week. My TB test turned out to be negative and I'm cleared for the Humira shot which I picked up today at Walgreen's. I'll be going into to see Jenine tomorrow at my RAtologist office for the follow up injection and how to use the pen device. I'm currently mourning the loss of a good friend and am seeking refuge and comfort in this blog. My holidays will be very quiet with the exception of a few parties that I've been invited to from my good friends that I still have. I've just barely sent out my Christmas cards in time for the holiday rush and I don't see myself going to a mall anytime soon. My RAtologist thinks that I'll be able to go back to work in January of 2008. I'm very happy for that because I need to work. Don't get me wrong, but staying at home is wonderful but only if you can afford it. I just barely squeaked by. I tasked myself for the past three months and completed just about everything that I wanted to do. I want to get back to work! I want to start travelling! I want to start living! I want to not feel unwanted! I can only hope that next year will be a much better and improved one for me.

Doc meeting

went well. I'll be taking the next phase of the medication next week. I have to take a TB test to make sure that I don't have the TB virus because this next phase of my medication can bring it on if I house that virus. My RAtologist gave me three options to take the medicine, Humira. I can either have it administered in his office by IV and be hooked up for an hour, administer it myself or come in for a weekly injection. I chose the IV, not wanting to see any type of needle let alone administering it myself. He seemed disappointed and instead, he showed me this device that looked similar to a tampon applicator and that would be how I would take my meds. He took off both ends of the plastic caps (I still never saw the needle) and showed me how to inject myself either in the fat part of my stomach area or in my thigh. Then he pushed on one end of the applicator and supposedly the medicine would be injected through the other side. It looked very easy and stated that it would pinch a little. I decided to administer it myself once every two months versus an hour in the doctors office hooked up to an IV. He would have to check with my health plan to make sure they can pay for the medication. After doing some research, I found out that this drug can cost upwards of $12,000.00-$15,000.00 a year!! Holy Crap, they better take care of it. That's half of what I make as a part-timer! He also increased my prednisone because of the recent stiffness in my hand joint and the pain I've been in. Still, he has not taken any x rays of my bones or joints and I will make an appointment with my primary and have her take it. This RAtologist doesn't seem to think I need it and besides, he says that I have an aggressive form of RA. I would want to know where I am if I have any type of bone loss due to this disease. It's true that you have to watch out for yourself in this medical field. In the meantime, I've got a TB shot to watch for the weekend and am going to take it easy.

RAtologist

I can't wait to see him! I never thought that I would be saying that but in light of the way I feel, I need a shot of something to get this old body back into the swing of things. My "rhummy" has been really bad this week with the lessening of the prednisone down to half a tablet every odd day. Mostly when I get up in the morning, my middle finger on my right hand is now in a claw like position and hurts very much If I try to straighten it out. My pinky finger is swollen right in the joint area causing pain there. Walking has been a little difficult and it seems to lessen as my day goes along. My right ankle and knees are the ones doing the most complaining and it's definite that I cannot go from a kneeling position to stand upright anymore. I notice more sounds that my body is making now, the slight cracking of my bones in my movements of walk when I go from a sitting position to a standing position. Putting one foot in front of the other as the tiny bones in my toes even crackle. Weird and scary.
The turning of my head, I hear sounds within my neck attached to the spinal column crackling. It closely resembles the sound of a ripe watermelon being torn open, very slowly. I tried to explain this sound to my RAtologist but couldn't find the description for it until this post. Not being able to fully close my hand of palm means not being able to grip simple things like keys, and writing utensils. You take for granted what you already have until it's taken away from you. I'm sure someone wrote that and it's so true. Today is my dental appointment for my yearly cleaning and I hope they don't find my mouth too offensive. I'm sure they've seen worse. I have to let them know that I have RA since my last dental cleaning. There might be a different procedure that they handle, I'm not sure, it's just a precaution.
My Casino brothers, Mel and Jaz are taking me out to Hokkaido in Foster City today. It's a Japanese Buffet and it's very inexpensive. Succulent crab and fresh oysters, entrees of all types and the sushi bar is to die for. I really enjoy my time with my co-workers and friends and I'm glad that they think of me often since I'm not working and on disability, to invite me out. It gets me out of the house and keeps me out of trouble.

Painful this morning

as I wake up to my right hand in claw like position. To stretch my fingers caused me to wince and grimace at the pain. What the hell is going on? Since the lowering of my prednisone, I have been experiencing excruciating pain in my upper body region.
I received a phone call at 6:30am and it was my daughter Nani asking if I could come and pick her up at 7am. I asked, "Why can't you get a ride home?" She replied, "He doesn't have a car". After giving me directions to her location, I hung up the phone, clearly annoyed at the fact that I have to get up . I took my medication and made my way there. The directions were fairly easy and I picked her up outside of an apartment complex. As she climbed into the truck, she could sense that I was upset. It was a silent 20 minute ride home. Because freakin PG&E are doing some type of street work and I was not able to park in my driveway. I had to look for parking elsewhere. Luckily, the parking goddess was with me and I was able to find a space big enough for my truck to fit into on another street. Maneuvering parallel parking was more difficult than I thought. Because of my right hand still in pain, it took me close to 10 minutes to finally park her. Nani asked if I was OK. I replied, "No, my hand hurts and I'm not able to park this truck because of it". She apologized profusely and feeling very guilty, she asked if there was anything she could do. I stubbornly replied, "No" and we started to walk home. I told her to walk ahead of me because I was going to be a little slower. As she walked away with a quick stride, I could sense her remorse. Afterwards, I felt guilty for putting that on her and wanted her to know that I'm not well. Watching her walk away, I saw an image of myself at her age, strong and independent.
*************** Addendum ******************************
Before Nani went to work, she apologized to me for not thinking about my RA and for causing me pain and I apologized to her for snapping at her and telling her that the RA is not her fault. We hugged and gave each other the traditional kiss on the forehead to let each other know, we're ok.