Susceptible

sus·cep·ti·ble

[suh-sep-tuh-buh l] 

accessible or especially liable or subject to some influence, mood, agency, etc.: susceptible to colds; susceptible to flattery.

    A visit to my Primary Doctors this week proved uneventful.  It was mainly to see how I was coming along on my Physical Therapy treatments on my soft tissue injuries due to my car accident.  Doc Yan stated that since I have Rheumatoid Arthritis,  I am susceptible to any injuries lasting normal than what a healthy body would be.  Meaning that my healing time would take much longer,  well, DUH!  These doctor and Physical Therapy visits including only being able to work 1 day since the accident, compiled on top of my dealing with  insurance company has been leaving me in a depressed mood all week.  Stress, anxiety and low energy has been giving me low grade headaches that I normally don't get.  I'm off for one more week until Jan. 21st. 

     My daughter Christiana is at San Mateo General Hospital and has been there for a few weeks to help get her own medication for her mental illness up to speed which she has forgone because of her pregnancy.   She has been calling me almost everyday to come and see her or bring her something.  I thought to just take a time-out from her life and get mine in order.  Seems that I never get a chance to deal with my life but I deal with everyone's  first.  Since all of my children have moved out of my home,  I would think that would be the ideal time for myself, WRONG!  No matter what age my children/young adults,  they will always need something,  guidance, wisdom, small talk, money, material things and most of all, love and support.  I helped her social worker, Kelsey move all her belongings from the Sequoia Hotel in Redwood City to my home and house her items until she is well enough on her own.  In the meantime,  her boyfriend, who is the "baby daddy" is in his own world and one of whom I don't want to associate with because of his own addiction to Crystal Meth and a bad host of crap that I don't want to be a part of.         

Happy New Year

     Just a few more hours until I am fully on my way into the New Year, 2013.  I am still off from work due to my pinched nerve in my left shoulder preventing me from lifting heavy bags.  There are a few jobs that  my company can put me in the "light duty" department aspect of what I do.  I see my primary doctor tomorrow and will follow up on the out come of when i go back to work with another physical therapy appointment on Thursday.
     My daughter Pua called and left a message on my phone from San Mateo General Hospital where she had to self-admit herself last week due to her not taking her medications for her Mental Illness causing her "voices" to come back with a vengeance.  Her reason for not taking her medication is that she is three months pregnant and did not want to harm the baby with these strong drugs.  Throw in her somewhat mentally ill boyfriend. Adolpho,  who takes her medication and Crystal meth and whatever else he needs to self-medicate himself with,  she is going to have a long, hard road ahead of her.  I've always suggested to her to write her own memoirs and thoughts into a blog,  she prefers journals.  Her young life has been disturbing and harrowing.  I,  and only I,  am the  reluctant involuntary passenger into her  wild ride of the fearful and dark unknown.  There is no happy ending,  only switchbacks to where we first started this perilous journey which repeats itself like a phonographs skipping needle on a warped record,  over and over and over and over again.

Delay

out of Las Vegas due to San Francisco weather. My flight on US AIR was running about an hour and a half behind schedule. I was truly hoping it would not be delayed any further as I have a rescheduled RA appointment at 4:00pm. As a standby employee, I was cleared immediately by the nice male gate agent who gave me an aisle seat close to the front of the aircraft. With another SFO flight that was scheduled and now delayed, the agent working that one started piling passengers onto my flight which was now going to be very full. Needless to say, I made it. While waiting in the boarding area, I noticed "Dog, the bounty hunter", from Hawaii sitting at the slot machine area being closely watched by his co-worker/body guard. In a few seconds, his wife Beth showed up by his side and you can't miss her! I tried to dish out my camera from my bag but they were gone at the sound of the 1st class boarding announcement for Phoenix. That would have been a sweet picture.My flight home was a little turbulent as we landed in raining San Francisco a little after 2:00pm. I drove home to check up on my son and my home . I had not seen my RAtologist since December when I started my Humira injections. In between that time, I have taken a few blood tests at the lab and so far, he is very pleased at where my marks are. My SED rate when I first started in August was over 100 when my Primary doctor diagnosed me. My RA, one week later pegged it at 96. Today, he stated it was at 32. He lowered my Prednisone from one and half tablet to one only. I'm still taking one folic acid and one multi-vitamin daily. 4 tablets of Methotrexate is still taken weekly. He was also very pleased to hear that I have not taken any Aleve or Motrin for pain. I would really rather feel the pain than NOT to feel any pain. How else can I identify if my body is hurting? My visits with him will be twice a year and hopefully down to once a year unless anything significant happens between now and then. I'll still be coming in monthly for more expanded blood tests which he will CC to my primary doctor. I am very happy that he's happy. I feel wonderful right now and very pleased with the results of my medication. Sure, I've gained a bit of weight versus the pain but to keep myself in check and back to normal, it's worth a little weight gain.

Super Tuesday

is what they are touting. It's voting day and assured to be a monumental event as we will have a first in that of Obama, our first ever African American President or Clinton, our first ever woman President. Who ever will win, I would hope the other would stay on as Vice President creating a Dream team power combination. I did notice many more young people voting and it is refreshing to see.
Since the injection of my Humira last week, the bruise on my left thigh has spread to the size of a quarter and the welt had receded within 24 hours. I called the nurse practitioner to advise her of this and she stated that I may have not let the alcohol dry, after swabbing the prepared area of injection and the alcohol caused some irritation and bruising there. I will need to remember that for the next shot which will be on the right thigh. After completing the thigh area, the stomach is another area that is open for the Humira injections just to change up the administering. I'm going to have to talk myself into that too. I'm fairing rather well on the rest of my medication and I'm still at one and a half tablet of prednisone, one folic acid and one multi-vitamin, daily. The methotrexate is taking religiously every Wednesday at four tablets. I will see my RAtologist on the 20th of this month and make sure to visit the lab for another blood test to show where my markers are. In August, my marker or RA factor registered at 101 with my primary doctor. With my RA physician, the marker stood at 96. Since my treatment began to now, I have lowered it to the low 40's. My RAtologist would like to see it in my 30's.
I have been eating about as healthy as I want but can still use a good walking program to shed some pounds and keep my joints healthy. Swimming is best and highly recommended.
I never want to feel that painful affliction ever again. My body did not belong to me and it was unrecognizable, inhospitable and a cruel, sick joke was being played upon my senses. I felt helpless and worried that my still young life at 45 (I'll be 46 next month) is coming to an end. Having faith and trust in my RA doctor proved that I would regain my independence with the help of medication and management. I have never taken for granted my life and have never been frivolous with it. This disease has caused me to take a closer look to improve my life and make it more enjoyable in my years ahead.

Medication

lowering of my prednisone by half a tablet this week. So far I am at one and a half tablets of prednisone at 5 MG, one folic acid tablet at 1 MG and 1 multi vitamin, daily. I take four methotrexate tablets at 10 MG every Wednesday and the Humira injection every two weeks, all of which I have faithfully taken and not missed for fear of my stiffening joints coming back to haunt me. The weather certainly doesn't play any part in it's affect on my joints as I so often hear from other sufferers. I sometimes feel a fullness in my hand joints when I curl my fingers and I look for tell tale signs of nodules and deformities as my fingers stand at attention under my inspection. I am afraid of the medications in my ample embodiment of woman and I disengage from the thoughts of what the future holds for me. Four months ago, I was a wretch from my tormenting pain and surprised by the suddenness of it all. A misery I would not wish upon anyone and executed a disguise of my endurance. This disease was altering me so aggressively, that I was not recognizable to myself anymore. Where was that sturdy, vigorous, take-charge woman that I knew? The agony was excruciating. The loneliness was more inviting, yet, lacerating and extracted me from the human race. My advantage was my family and friends who kept in touch with me often with their talk of others with my affliction. I continued to help others in their time of need to keep me active in life since I was abruptly forced to stay home. In helping them, I helped myself heal and redirected my quality of health for the better.

Lord, give me strength

in tempering my soul, mind and thoughts with my children. My second daughter, Pua, went AWOL last night from the facility where she was a resident. Her sometimes boyfriend, Adolpho, drove to Sacramento, picked her up and brought her to his place in Redwood City. Then drove her back to my home to spend a few days with us. It is always a problematic reunion between Nani (oldest daughter), Manny (only son) and Pua (second daughter). Nani and my son live at home with me and Pua abides her time in and out of mental facilities and group homes. She has been out of my home since she was diagnosed at 16 years old with schizophrenia, depression and was made a ward of the state at her request. Now at 23, she infrequently comes home and when she does, it can be very chaotic at times. Her facility environment consists of a tumultuous, boisterous and many times violent atmosphere to where she has her guard up twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. Patients that she may call her friend one day could end up fighting her the next day without any explanation or provocation. Tempers flare quickly and often in crowded facilities like hers. Word of her escaping her facility last night was a phone call to her siblings and they in turn, called me at work. The questions, fears and worries of how Pua will manage without her medication. Pua's fear and loathing of not wanting to go back to her facility. Everyone looking at Mom and what I decide to do. Tired and wearisome, I can only go by the moments in time. Planning ahead in this particular situation is meaningless. Erratic, Nomadic and unpredictability is Pua's modus operandi and just cause for not planning. Where will she go from here? It is anyone's guess.

Reentry

back to work since yesterday has been wonderful. This is my second day on the job and my shift involves being the meal planner, billing and security checks. It's nice to see all of my co-workers and engage in their witty and humorous conversations. They are an enjoyable part of my life. Since I've been gone for my four months, I also observed that the gossipping and tattle tailing is still going on by the same people that choose to live their working life by these dramatizations. It saddens me to think ill of my co-workers like this and it makes coming to work more of a process than entertainment which can turn a four day a week work schedule into a piercing brittle thorn in my side. In the words of the famous Rodney King, "Why can't we all just get along?" That statement and those words hold true in everyday life but it is the denseness of ignorance and unfamiliarity that makes most people not want to apply it to their own lives. It is what we are taught as a young child that carries forth with us into our adult life. I recently had this conversation with Mama Diane who is a young woman with an old spirited and knowledable soul and Carmen's mother, on this topic. We can delve into the deepest of conversation and I come away with an awareness of my life. Making it better for my children as my parents have made better for me.
At work, we toil on, gossip, drama and all of it's realization put forth in full view playing out like a disastrous scene from Shakespeare. Most of the uninvolved stay out of it, some can't help but get tangled up in the labyrinth and others just plain and simple seem to feed off of this commotion. My finding: you can never please anyone, anywhere at anytime.

Weekend reminiscing

as I sit here in the badging office of the San Francisco Airport, I thought about my visit with my daughter Pua this past weekend. Her mental illness now under control with medication as we compare what we are taking and it's long term effects on our bodies, another bond that we will share for our lifetimes.
My friend Carmen may be settling out soon with her car dealership who has underhandedly and unlawfully failed to repair her car. She retained a lawyer from the Glide Memorial Church in San Francisco who is helping in her endeavor. It's wonderful to know that the "good ol boys" can't win all of the time, for that fact that anyone who thinks that they can so smugly deny someone is an injustice and deserves to reimburse back the innocent person, ten fold.
I will be starting back on my job on January 16th and am very happy about that. I have been looking on my company website looking for hours to pick up. So far, no one seems to be giving away any. I don't blame them. This economy is sliding into a major recession. No one has the money to spend and the state of our economy has shot through the roof. I have reverted to charging groceries on my credit cards and considerably every bill that comes into my home is being put on my credit cards. I can't wait to see next month's Visa statements! My W-2 is online and I am waiting patiently for the rest of my statements from the bank to complete my taxes and anticipating an early refund check. Less than a month from now, my company will be distributing my profit sharing check into my bank account. I plan on working every day for the next month, to receive a decent paycheck. Other than that, I can't think of anything else to add this already busy day.

My rhummy

is acting up. I woke up this morning feeling stiffer than ever in the right side of my body. My right hand is very stiff and my right ankle is a bit swollen making it difficult to walk. Many times a hot shower does just the trick and I feel as if the RA is seeping out of my body only to return a short time later to settle back in only fiercer. I can really feel the effects of the lowering of the prednisone which I'm down to half a table each day until Dec 1st. Then I go back to see my "RAtologist" for a check up and to start the 3rd phase of my medications.
I have to gather up some paper work sometime to day and get that to my friend, Sarah, who is going see if I'm able to take out a loan on my home. Also, on that note, I have to send in some paper work to my employment to see if they can help me out for the short time that I'm out of work. We have a fund that helps employees out in a time of need, like a welfare system of our own but you don't have to pay anything back. Contributions are accepted and employees that can, take full advantage of donating to the fund. I told myself, If I ever go back to work, even if I have to donate one dollar, I'll contribute to the fund.
I had an enjoyable weekend. I saw the final showing of "Stardust and empty wagons" on Sunday with the Evan's Family. It was even more heartfelt this time and as always the cast was great. They've been portraying the Katrina families for the past year in different cities and to finally have this come to a close and back to San Francisco where it was borne, it has come full circle. There was a cast party afterwards which the Evan's attended and I left to meet with Darrell and Stephanie in Burlingame for drinks. We talked about work and when I'll be back and the party coming up at our friend Gail in December. It's our annual get-together that we try to make yearly at someones house and it will be the white elephant theme.

Reducing my medication

two weeks ago and I'm totally feeling the effects of it. At my last doctors visit, he lowered my prednisone from 1 and a half to half a tablet on all odd days and one whole tablet on even days. Tomorrow, I will be switching again to half a tablet everyday until December 1st. The stiffness in my fingers have definitely come back to the point of where i cannot make a closed fist anymore. The stiffness in my left shoulder blade is more prominent. It takes me awhile to get "warmed up" and then I can move more easily as my day goes on. In December, my doctor will be putting me through phase three of my medications which will involve a series of shots. I don't know how long I will be on these medications but the thought of needle injections Is not high on my favorite list.