Pua is MIA (missing in action)

again and called me to tell me that she had broken a window at her facility (again) and had her boyfriend Adolpho waiting in his car to pick her up to bring her back to the bay area. Those two remind of a modern day "Bonnie and Clyde". Now she is Redwood City living with her boyfriend who is living with his Aunt and some odd children in a crowded two bedroom apartment. I'm not sure she will last long in her state without her medication and I'm sure she will start to wear as the week goes along. A few days later she called to tell me that she was arguing with Adolpho and wanted to seek refuge at my house. I told her "no" and that she should work out whatever problems she has with him and to communicate her concerns. Eventually they worked out whatever it was that bothered her and seemed content on staying where she was at. I'll have her over for a visit at another time.
I'm still cleaning and multi-tasking my home and very much doing most of the work by myself. It is an arduous task to get a phenomenal amount of work done under a deadline. Aside from working, I come home to work on the house. I wake up and work on the house and then go to work. I've curbed my working hours and have slacked off at picking up hours to get my house done before the Open house next week Sunday. Once that is all finally done, I will resume my work hours by picking up more to pad my paycheck. I am planning a long awaited International trip to Dublin, Ireland and London next month for my two week vacation. It will be a much needed time off from everything and everyone. I'm so looking forward to this journey. While my home is on the market, I'm crossing my fingers and hope that it will sell well and hopefully I will have a buyer by the end of summer. I'm optimistic about that, I have to be. My home looks great, I staged it well. It still needs some work, painting the front and back. Not huge monumental tasks but easily done in a few days time. Aside from that, I will be done with everything and I can finally sit back, take a deep breath and have an ice cold beer! My home will be on the market next week.

Mental Ilness

is pervasive and crosses all facets of human life. The Harvard grad doctors make their diagnosis and hand down their unkind verdicts to overwhelmed and financially strapped family members as they listen to what the specialists say. How do I cope? How do I fulfill my obligation as a parent? The helpless feeling that I get when I can't do for my own child. I can only take a step back, observe and listen.
I have noticed a significant improvement in my second daughter, Pua, during this year. She is much more coherent, clear and a very good conversationalist. I haven't observed any suicidal tendencies and haven't noticed any more cuts on her arms. We are very close to where she would tell me if she has cut or injured herself. Her outlook on life isn't as bleak as it was two years ago where her mind was in a very dark place. A place I wasn't sure if she could get out from or recognize. With a very good mental health system at the Crestwood facility in Sacramento, they gave her the time she needed to grow into a young woman who today, is much more sure of herself. I am very proud of how far she has come. There were days during her teen years where I wasn't sure if she would make it to her 18th or 21st birthdays. I always had it in the back of my mind that a phone call from the facility or police station would be like a soldier in the military and the chaplain would drive up and knock on your door to give you the news about your child's demise. I would dread that day and to be honest, I don't want to think about it but it is always there in my mind. Pua, has grown into a beautiful young woman who has a lot on her mind. If I could get her to write her own blog, she would have so much to say as a young woman dealing with schizophrenia and depression. She has written very graphic letters depicting her life on the edge, the voices that she constantly hears, the cursing and anger in her words spewing venom on what is going on in her mind. The constant pulling and wires firing in her brain, the sometimes empty look in her eyes of one without a soul. The terror of leaving her at home with family members who did not want to be alone with her for their fear of her and what she could be capable of. I'm talking about my brother who is 5'11" 285 lbs and scared of his neice who is all of 5'6" 145lbs! For the most part of my visits, she is always supervised and I never leave her alone anymore with family members. Our visiting time is always together, shopping, restaurants and overnight visits. The only time she is out of my sight is when she smokes or goes to the restroom. She is not a flight risk and I trust her time out of the facility is doing her good. She is looking forward to getting her own apartment again, this time being a little older and more confident of living on her own. My daughter is a survivor and I love her.