Holidays

I'm sorry for not writing anything in between. Life has kept me busy. My second daughter Pua is in Sacramento. She was in the hospital and is now at a Mental facility which has close monitoring of their patients. That's a good thing for her because she needs the discipline of being in a controlled facility, medication fed and cordoned off from society because of the effects from "falling off the wagon" can do to you as a young person. She is easily influenced, boyfriends come and go like running water and none of them really care about her but that's OK because none of them matter to her. She will take the "drink" or an occasional drug offering (inhaled or ingested) from whomever will offer it to her. As far as I know and have seen, she does not "shoot up" any drugs. She worries constantly about the medication she's taking and knows what ones work for her and which ones that do not. She is very vocal to her doctors and will let them know which ones make her gain weight or make her fatigued. She's a wonderful advocate for herself, loves to write poems and stories about her young life. Pua can get highly charged about a subject and is very passionate about life sometimes. Then there are the darker days where her voices have taken over and say things to her that one can only imagine. She has tried to kill herself several times by either overdosing on her medications or slitting her wrists. Pua will have conversations with them as if they were right there in front of her, cursing, angry and screaming at them to leave her alone. I can see the tiredness in her face and in the whole of her body when she goes through episodes like this. She excuses herself to nap and all the while she is awake and can't sleep because of the silent torment that her voices have waged war against her. To my little girl, now a woman, the thought of death comes easily.