52

and feeling like every bit of that age. Half a decade, 52, elderly, senior citizen or just plain OLD! I am living in a world where if you don't already have a job, you probably won't be able to get one unless you are super talented and have skills that can carry you over and win the confidence of that company or you know someone. I have every intention of holding onto my current job but have had lingering thoughts of driving a bus again. I used to drive for the Durham Transportation company that picks up and drops off school age children to where they need to go and I really enjoyed that type of job at that time. I'm not so sure I would enjoy working with school aged children again. Looking over the Craigslist ads and seeing the Stanford Marguerite Shuttle have openings every now and then AND they are willing to train you to get your class B license is an even greater incentive to apply. Plus, I secretly think they are waiting for me to apply! Not to be overly confident and not sure of who or what they are looking for but I question on Why there is always such a high turn over. Anyway, to get back to feeling old. I just dyed my hair today and it seems that I have to dye it every two to three weeks instead of every other month. The gray around my face makes me look like I have on an Eskimo hooded jacket and my age and tiredness shows there. When I dye my hair, it rejuvenates me and gives me a sense of youth. That's right, I am VAIN as is most women my age. Middle-aged crisis? Call it what you want but no one likes to feel old unless they themselves call it, which i have done on numerous occasions after turning 50. I can feel my body slow down, my skin sags in areas where it used to be tight and strong. My bones make more creaking sounds than my living-room floor. I have to move slowly in the morning upon wakening as to not strain anything. My Rheumatoid arthritis numbs my fingers and after exercising them while lifting my coffee cup to my dry mouth a few times, it takes quite a bit of effort to warm up. I haven't been to my Gym in over six months and yet I am paying $49.00 a month to keep it in the hopes that one day I will go. I keep telling myself, "after work I will go work out at the Gym" but the overtime that I get from work keeps me from going but really it's my procrastination that prevents me from doing just that. All in all, as long as the good lord lets me get up in the morning and I have a job that I can go to and put food on my table, pay what I need to pay and enjoy my family, then it's been a good life for me. I am grateful for what I have even if it's just a few gray hairs.